In recent weeks, a viral video capturing men reading some of the harsh tweets directed at two women reporters has sparked significant discussion online. These tweets are just a glimpse into the persistent and often brutal harassment that women face in the digital realm. I’ve watched the video several times, feeling a mix of anger and discomfort as the courageous women confronted the vile comments, while the men recited them awkwardly.
Online harassment is not a new phenomenon. As a woman, I have unfortunately become accustomed to being attacked for simply voicing my opinions. Thus, the video did not shock me. What incensed me more than the comments themselves was the fact that our society has normalized what is essentially verbal abuse within online spaces.
Several friends, primarily male but including a few women, reached out to express their sympathies: “I’m so sorry if you’ve dealt with this.” “I can’t imagine what you face when sharing your views online.” “Is this really the norm?” While their intentions were heartfelt, I remained unfazed. If you’re a woman, be it trans or cis, and you engage on social media—whether as a reporter or simply as someone who shares their thoughts—you are likely familiar with the barrage of comments promoting violence, degradation, and even death.
I’ve been subjected to countless insults. I’ve been told I look repulsive and that I will die alone. I’ve even faced horrific comments about my parenting, with one person brazenly suggesting my child would have been better off if I had never given birth to him.
Interestingly, these remarks do not particularly affect me. Perhaps this stems from my upbringing with an abusive father; the words of strangers hold less weight when they echo what I have already endured. What truly shocked me was a close friend’s suggestion that men should consider those they insult online as sisters or mothers before speaking.
Why must we frame women’s humanity in familial terms? The notion that men need to see women as someone they care for in order to treat them with respect is baffling. A woman should not have to be a mother, sister, or wife to receive basic dignity and kindness. Men should not be cruel to women they do not know any more than they would be to those they cherish.
The idea that one must conjure a familial connection to empathize with a woman devalues her intrinsic humanity. A woman’s worth is not defined by her relationship to men. She is inherently deserving of respect, regardless of whether you know her or agree with her views.
While I acknowledge the reasoning behind the suggestion, I struggle to agree with it. Viewing women through a familial lens implies that unless a woman provides some form of benefit or pleasure to a man, she is open to mistreatment. This flawed logic is something I cannot endorse.
I am not everyone’s mother, sister, or wife. In fact, I am currently no one’s wife; I am just one man’s mother and one man’s daughter. The absence of those familial roles does not justify continued harassment or verbal abuse. Just because I do not fit into a particular relationship dynamic does not give anyone the right to belittle or attack me.
In conclusion, the notion that men should envision women as their loved ones in order to treat them humanely is fundamentally misguided. Women deserve respect and kindness based on their humanity alone, not contingent upon their connections to men.
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