Just a day before school resumed, I made the shocking discovery that my daughters were infested with lice. Not just a few nits, but actual brown bugs wreaking havoc in their long, golden locks. Panic set in immediately. I mean, like, full-on freak-out mode.
“OH MY GOODNESS, WE HAVE LICE! GET IN THE CAR! WE’RE GOING TO THE STORE! WAIT! DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!”
After securing four boxes of Nix, I headed home—a place that now felt anything but safe. It was no longer the warm haven I cherished; instead, it was a battleground against LICE! LICE, lurking and ready to invade our heads. LICE, poised to lay eggs and multiply. Those little intruders had come from the local elementary school, and I was furious!
To illustrate the sheer terror that engulfed me, let me paint a picture: While I was applying Nix to my daughters’ hair, I was also frantically texting my friend Lisa about our lice “crisis.” My well-meaning friend replied with comforting messages: “You’ve got this, Claire!” “At least the girls aren’t sick!” “Just breathe!”
Yet, when the text therapy didn’t soothe my anxiety, Lisa sprang into action. With a top-secret stealth plan, she drove to my house, left a note, a bottle of chardonnay, and some chocolates at my doorstep, and sped away. I opened the door, exhaustion and dread washing over me. There it was—my saving grace, knowing Lisa recognized my despair.
You see, attempting to eliminate lice on my own was a foolish notion. They seem to mock your efforts, whispering, “Oh, you found some nits? Just wait until you see the hidden ones!” And then they pull a fast one by changing their nits’ colors! One day they’re white, the next they’re brown.
Totally unfair!
And the adult lice? They’re massive and utterly revolting. You start to feel like your kids’ beautiful heads are disgusting—and you find yourself fantasizing about shaving their hair off just to escape this nightmare. But then reality sinks in, and you realize your daughters would despise you for it, likely leading to a life of rebellion and regret. So, you push forward with the nit-picking, armed with boxes of Nix.
After three days of battling these pests and realizing the treatments weren’t working, the panic intensified. Olive oil became my next strategy. In between washing every piece of clothing and vacuuming the house like a madwoman, I started slathering my girls’ hair in the gooey substance. I had heard it could “drown” the lice. But honestly, after two weeks at the pool, I doubted anything could drown those little creatures!
So, I went for it. Refusing to let my girls sit on the furniture for fear of lice infestation, I made them sit on towels on the hardwood floor as they watched TV for hours, while I cleaned, cried, and cursed.
Four missed school days and four days of work later, I began to contemplate a divorce from my husband, who seemed too relieved to leave for work each morning. My day-to-day life had devolved into a cycle of despair:
- Wake up.
- Realize there are lice in my home.
- Fantasize about shaving heads.
- Consider divorce.
- Yearn for wine.
- Yearn for coffee.
- Drag myself out of bed.
The routine continued, checking for nits, dousing heads in olive oil, and washing everything again. After two more days of this cycle, hope finally struck! I learned about a top-secret place in a nearby town specializing in lice removal. Though it cost about $200 a head, they guaranteed results.
Why hadn’t I heard of this sooner?
I called the mysterious lice-extermination center, and a friendly voice welcomed me. I described our “situation,” feeling utterly defeated. She assured me I needed to come in immediately, calling it an “emergency.”
The office was located behind some storage units, and I felt a tinge of apprehension upon noticing a guard dog barking nearby. I ushered my girls into the establishment aptly named “The Lice Slayers.”
Two hours later, I was informed that I was indeed the ultimate Lice Slayer! The technician praised my nit-picking prowess and confirmed that I had eradicated the entire lice population from my daughters’ heads. I left feeling victorious, having only paid for a head check.
Lice are no laughing matter. They’re gross, creepy, and can cause more strain in a relationship than work-related stress or even infidelity (just kidding!). So, if you have a friend dealing with lice, lend a helping hand: bring them wine and chocolates. Actually, just bring the wine.
For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC. And if you’re looking to boost your fertility, consider exploring our related blog post on fertility supplements.
Summary:
Discovering that your children have lice can be a harrowing experience filled with panic and frustration. From frantic trips to stores for treatments to desperate home remedies, the battle against these pests can feel endless. However, with the help of a specialized lice removal service, relief is possible. Lice are a serious concern, and supporting friends in need can make a significant difference.