This week marks a significant milestone for my husband and me: we have been together for eighteen years, having embarked on our journey as a couple at just eighteen years old. We’ve spent a good portion of our lives deeply in love. Given our young age and religious backgrounds, serious dating was not something we had experienced prior to meeting each other. From the moment he took my hand, I felt an undeniable connection, as if he was destined to be my partner. I can’t quite articulate it, but I intuitively knew he would become everything I needed, and I’ve never regretted marrying at such a young age.
When we acknowledged our love for the long term, we were both quite naive about the world and even about ourselves. However, we recognized that together we could achieve our dreams—provided we worked as a team. Thankfully, we were right. He embodies the concept of soul mates for me; together, we are much more than we are apart.
Of course, spending your entire life with one person presents its challenges. Teenagers often lack fully developed judgment, and looking back, some of the choices we made early in our marriage seem puzzling. Even as we navigated our twenties, we often acted like kids. But we persevered.
Here are a few relationship lessons we’ve gained over the years, along with insights from other couples who have walked a similar path.
1. Open Communication is Essential.
As Sarah P. states, “We committed to communicating constantly, perhaps to the point of annoyance. No topic was left unaddressed, especially during tough conversations. Those formative years of growing up together have helped us navigate darker times, fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s thought processes.”
2. Learning to Disagree Respectfully is Crucial.
In our early days, we often intentionally pushed each other’s buttons, leading to intense arguments. We wasted precious days in silence and resentment. However, with nearly two decades of experience now, we’ve learned to disagree constructively, debate without insults, and apologize sincerely. Life isn’t perfect, but it’s peaceful because we respect each other’s boundaries, even when emotions run high.
3. Intimacy Matters, but It’s Not Everything.
“I’m not suggesting you need to be intimate all the time! What matters is mutual understanding regarding intimacy. There’s no ‘right’ frequency, but being on vastly different pages can lead to discomfort. Open dialogue about intimacy helps ensure that neither partner feels rejected or pressured,” shares Laura, a wife and mother of nearly 20 years.
4. Choose to Stay Committed.
If you seek reasons to leave, you’ll find them. Conversely, if you look for reasons to remain, you’ll discover those too. My husband often says, “As long as there is no abuse, any marriage can thrive if both partners are dedicated to its success. It requires countless conversations, genuine listening, and the commitment to endure through tough times. If love is present and both are committed, even minor disagreements become manageable.”
5. Difficult Moments Can Be Instructive.
In the early days of our marriage, my husband made a mistake that tested our bond. Initially, I was ashamed to share this experience, but I have come to see its value. I chose to stay because I believed in his character, despite his poor decision. He learned from his mistake and became a better man, one I am proud to call my partner. My own journey of forgiveness taught me much about resilience and self-discovery.
6. Embrace Change Together.
People evolve, and that includes the person you marry. Especially when you marry young, you’ll undergo many life transitions together. “It’s vital to accept that your partner will change over time. If you cling to an idealized version of who they should be, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment,” advises Megan T.
7. Youth is No Excuse for Poor Behavior.
Young people can and should have loving, healthy relationships, just like older couples. Everyone deserves respect, and abusive behaviors are never acceptable, regardless of age. It’s critical to recognize that unhealthy dynamics should not be tolerated. If someone crosses boundaries, they forfeit the right to remain in your life.
I could elaborate for hours on the insights gained from marrying young. The journey has provided me with countless opportunities for personal growth and partnership development. Ultimately, loving well is a skill that can be cultivated at any age, proving that age is merely a number.
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Summary:
Marrying young offers invaluable lessons about love, growth, and partnership. Open communication, respectful disagreement, and the ability to adapt are essential. While challenges arise, a commitment to understanding and mutual respect can lead to a fulfilling long-term relationship. Ultimately, love is a skill that can be honed at any age.