Recently, I reconnected with an old acquaintance, and I was taken aback to learn that she had initiated divorce proceedings. Lisa had been with her husband for nearly two decades, and she felt it was time to move on.
When I inquired about her decision, she shared that, as their children grew older, she and her spouse had drifted apart. They found themselves as strangers on divergent paths, each with differing aspirations for the future. For Lisa, this change signaled a chance to reclaim her identity as an independent woman—something she felt had diminished during the intense years of parenting.
In her case, the spark of romance and intimacy had faded amid the chaos of daily life. Between career demands, school functions, and pediatric visits, there was little opportunity for them to reconnect. Their children had been the glue holding their marriage together, and once those ties loosened, they found little worth salvaging in a relationship void of love.
Driving home that night, I felt a wave of sympathy for Lisa and began to reflect on the marriages I had witnessed unravel over the years—relationships I once believed would be everlasting. How do couples transition from blissful union to hurling emotional insults until their bond is irreparably damaged? What leads them to end things after investing 20, 30, or even 40 years together?
This contemplation led me to ponder what prevents my own marriage from experiencing such a fate. Despite the challenging times we’ve faced, we have managed to stay afloat, often thanks to counseling that helped us navigate periods of disappointment and anger. During those turbulent times, we consistently found our way back to each other, returning to the core of our love.
What Maintains the Integrity of My Marriage
So, what has maintained the integrity of my marriage over the years? It’s hope. Hope is the thread that binds us together, the common factor that has seen us through our darkest moments. Five years into our marriage, we suffered the tragic loss of our newborn son. This devastating event brought us closer, as we grieved together rather than apart, unlike many couples in our grief support group who ended up separating. Strangely, our experience of loss equipped us for the heartache that followed with the passing of other family members, during which we provided each other with strength and support throughout our grief.
Hope also guided us through my husband’s job loss. With four young children at home and uncertainty looming over our financial future, I felt resentment and the urge to assign blame. However, I recognized that criticism wouldn’t help. My husband was on the edge of a breakdown and needed my support instead. We sought financial assistance but never wavered in believing that a new job opportunity would arise—and eventually, it did.
Our shared hope was crucial during the challenging years of raising teenagers. We often found ourselves on opposite sides regarding parenting strategies, leading to countless arguments. The aftermath of these disputes left us feeling like wounded animals, waiting for the next clash until we could finally reach a compromise.
Yet, one of the most significant challenges in our marriage has been my battle with clinical depression. After years together, my husband has become adept at recognizing when I’m struggling. He gives me the space I need to process my emotions while always helping me find joy again when the storm within me calms. For him, it’s akin to riding a roller coaster blindfolded—he never knows when the next drop will come, but he holds on tightly so that whether we rise or fall, we do so together.
Our Commitment to Each Other
Our commitment to facing these trials as a united front—and celebrating our victories—has been our greatest strength. We’ve dedicated ourselves to nurturing our partnership, and quitting has never been an option. Our decision to remain together transcends the needs of our children; it’s about pursuing shared goals as both parents and partners, recognizing that we are equal contributors to our marriage. We root for each other, honoring the vows we exchanged years ago.
Essential elements of our successful marriage include appreciation, communication, kindness, trust, and forgiveness, all sprinkled with a healthy dose of humor. It’s the little gestures that make a big difference—a love note on the fridge, flowers from the garden on the nightstand, shared glances that convey volumes in a crowd. It’s about spontaneous kisses, late-night ice cream sessions, playful dances to elicit laughter, and cozy movie afternoons on rainy Sundays. It’s about being best friends, committing to each other’s happiness, and embracing the quirks that make us who we are. It’s about giving selflessly, ensuring your partner knows daily that they are loved.
While I can’t fully grasp what Lisa is experiencing, her reasons for ending her marriage are her own, and that’s what matters most. What I can offer is my unwavering support whenever she needs it. I can also show my husband each day how his love has made me a better person. For those interested in exploring home insemination, check out this article for valuable insights.
Summary
The key to a successful marriage lies in hope, communication, and the willingness to tackle challenges together. Strong relationships are built on mutual support, appreciation, and shared goals. Even in the face of adversity, couples can strengthen their bond by navigating life’s obstacles hand in hand.