A few weeks ago, my eleven-year-old daughter, Mia, fainted unexpectedly. After a visit to the pediatrician, where she underwent some basic tests, everything seemed normal and we returned home. She took some time to rest, and life slowly resumed to its usual pace.
Then, it happened again. This time, I managed to catch her before she hit the ground. Back to the pediatrician we went, but this time, the doctor ordered a more extensive blood panel along with a detailed assessment of her motor skills, memory, and cognitive function. She then referred us to a pediatric cardiologist. Mia went home to rest, while I returned home in tears.
My worries were not just for Mia’s health; they were also rooted in my past. I had witnessed my husband, Mark, go through similar tests years ago. He had passed them with flying colors, only for his health to deteriorate as his cancer progressed. I had seen him collapse too.
Once I was able to gather my thoughts, I called a friend to share what was happening. I confessed that, for a brief moment inside that exam room while watching Mia undergo tests reminiscent of those Mark faced, I wanted to flee. I feared I couldn’t bear to hear what the doctor might say next. Although I knew Mia’s situation was different from Mark’s, the fear of the worst gripped me. I felt weak, overwhelmed by the thought of enduring those tests again, this time with my child.
My well-intentioned friend reassured me that everything would turn out fine, adding that the universe won’t give me more than I can handle. While I understood her intentions, I found no comfort in her words. Instead, it felt as if my fears and emotions were being dismissed.
The Problems with the Saying
There are significant issues with the notion that the universe (or God) won’t burden you beyond your limits. It’s akin to the phrase “everything happens for a reason”—a statement I strongly advise against using.
At its core, this belief is dismissive and invalidating. It implies that the struggles someone faces aren’t truly challenging because the universe supposedly wouldn’t allow that. Such words can make a person feel unheard during a moment when they desperately need understanding.
Moreover, the idea relies on the assumption that one must trust in a fair and benevolent universe. From my experiences, I know that is a flawed perspective. The universe can be chaotic and indifferent, often placing burdens on people that are far too heavy to bear. Countless individuals suffer from overwhelming challenges—be they economic, physical, or emotional.
Additionally, there’s a degree of privilege inherent in the belief that the universe won’t give you more than you can manage. Those who find it easier to accept this statement often have the financial, emotional, and social resources that others lack. It’s far simpler to cope when you have support and access to necessary healthcare.
The truth is, we sometimes face more than we can handle, and ignoring that reality can harm us all. It prevents acknowledging our failures and the fact that, despite our efforts, we may not always emerge victorious. The universe does not guarantee a happy ending; it’s a hard but necessary truth.
How to Support a Friend
Instead of relying on the universe for comfort, there are far better ways to support a friend in distress. The simplest option? Just be present. Listen, validate their struggles, and recognize that sometimes life does indeed present challenges that feel insurmountable. Let them know they are not alone, regardless of whether they feel capable of handling what lies ahead. Reassure them that if they’re unable to cope, you’ll remain by their side, without judgment.
As for Mia, the cause of her fainting is still a mystery, but we are seeking answers. Fortunately, I managed to navigate this latest medical scare, not because of some cosmic order, but because I had attentive doctors and supportive friends, and a clear understanding of the unpredictable nature of life.
Further Reading
For similar stories and insights, check out these posts:
- How to support a friend in need
- Understanding life’s challenges
- Finding strength during hardships
- The impact of fear on parenting
- Health resources for families
Summary
The article discusses the problematic nature of the saying “the universe won’t give you more than you can handle,” particularly in the context of facing difficult situations. It emphasizes the dismissive nature of such statements and the need for genuine support and understanding, especially when confronting health challenges. The author shares personal experiences with her daughter’s health scare, drawing parallels to past experiences with her husband’s illness, highlighting the emotional complexities involved.