You may recall from your high school literature lessons that “poetic justice” refers to a situation where a punishment is fitting for the crime. In Dante’s depiction of the Ninth Circle of Hell, individuals who create discord are punished by having their bodies perpetually torn apart. In a more relatable scenario, a thief who sets a trap for others ends up ensnared in it themselves.
This concept of poetic justice extends to our habits, particularly the unhealthy ones. The reward for cultivating a positive habit is, simply put, the habit itself. Ralph Waldo Emerson expressed this beautifully when he remarked, “The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.”
However, the irony of bad habits is even more profound. A friend once confided, “I feel too overwhelmed to address my bad habits, yet those very habits are what cause my anxiety.” Research indicates that some women, anxious about their finances, indulge in “retail therapy”—shopping to alleviate stress. Similarly, gamblers may distract themselves with gambling when they should be concerned about their finances. Procrastinators often find themselves caught in a cycle where the anxiety of unfinished tasks leads them to avoid work entirely. One commenter on my blog put it succinctly: “I feel anxious because I’m not accomplishing anything, so I treat myself to a massage to feel better. But then, I don’t get anything done because I’m preoccupied with the massage.”
Interestingly, individuals who experience less guilt and show self-compassion in the face of failure are more adept at regaining self-control. Al Roker, in his memoir Never Goin’ Back, recounts a poignant moment when he promised his ailing father that he would lose weight. Ironically, that same day, his anxiety over his commitment led him to indulge in two grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches for lunch.
While many believe that feelings of guilt or shame can motivate adherence to good habits, the reality is often the opposite. Guilt can lead to a cycle where people seek solace in the very habits that cause their distress. This is where the poetic justice of bad habits manifests.
Conversely, those who practice self-compassion and minimize guilt are better equipped to regain control and resist unhealthy behaviors. Instead of viewing setbacks as signs of weakness or laziness, we should recognize them as part of the journey toward habit formation. Reassuring ourselves with thoughts like, “It happens,” “Everyone faces challenges,” “I’ll try differently next time,” or “What I do consistently matters more than occasional missteps,” can help us learn and improve. This positive self-talk is a more effective safeguard than self-criticism.
For more insights from Lydia Hart, explore her website.