Why is it that my mind is consumed with thoughts of failure or broken promises, always casting blame elsewhere? Shouldn’t I ease up on myself? After all, everyone faces this.
Actually, that’s not true. My thoughts are consumed with the idea that everyone else shares my flaws, yet I’m the only one brave enough to acknowledge them. But the others aren’t as flawed as I am; I’m worse. Which is why I need to commit to 2.5 hours of meditation.
Oh please, you don’t have to do that. No one is keeping score here. I detest how some of these new-age folks think they can absolve themselves of guilt through meditation, while pretending they’ve reached a higher understanding without admitting their own shortcomings. It’s exhausting.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
But if I don’t hold myself accountable, I’ll just continue being insufferable.
Fair point.
I’m not wearing a bra. Is this a gesture of honoring the universe’s sacred chaos? Ugh, my parking job is atrocious. Is that person next to me laughing? Oh, it’s just that guy. He wouldn’t care.
Great, they’re doing warm-ups first. Why do these hyperactive people have to run this show? They need someone more laid-back like me in charge.
Just take your time setting up your blankets and mat, then you can skip the warm-up. Alright, rolling your neck isn’t too hard. You can manage that.
Oh look, everyone has their eyes closed. Perfect, I can stop now.
Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.
How many minutes have ticked by? How long does it take to repeat the mantra? If I could calculate that, I could at least count and make this less tedious. Just do this for a while and then you can lie down.
Oh, two people are already lying down. Can I join? Oh wait, they’re kids. I can’t be the only adult lying down.
After about thirty minutes, I could lie down for 40 minutes, then get up for the last part. No, that’s not allowed.
But no one would notice if I did.
Wow, I must’ve dozed off for a while. Time to hit the bathroom. Wait, what? It’s 6:45! We’re almost done. I can sneak out, go back in, chant a few times, and be home in five minutes. That’s amazing!
Stare at the clock. Yes, it’s definitely 6:45. This is fantastic! I might’ve missed part of the meditation, but it’s not like I intended to. Oh look, I didn’t even berate myself for being lazy. Is this progress? Could meditation actually be helping?
Okay, surely 15 minutes have passed. What’s with these people? Are we staying here for eternity? Should I lie down again? Maybe chant “Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru” ten more times, then I can be done. I’m probably just misjudging time; it feels like it’s crawling by.
Someone just arrived. Oh my gosh, it’s Lisa! She said she’d come around 6:15. Is it really 6:15? No way. She just messed up and arrived late. Don’t look at the clock!
Oh my God, it’s actually 6:15.
Alright, chant some more. You can do this.
Yes, good job.
Finally, another adult is lying down. Wait, she’s pregnant. Of course, they get away with everything. I have to keep sitting up. I really must. Okay, just a moment to lie down, then it’s back to sitting up and chanting. It’s not that bad. Just keep going.
I can lie down for five minutes. Then I’ll get up.
Did she just say “last one”? Sit up quickly! Maybe no one will notice I was lying down.
“Ek Ong Kar. Sat Nam. Siri. Wahe Guru.” Yes, I did it.
Not really. I was asleep the whole time.
Leave me alone! At least I showed up.
Is that enough? Just showing up?
I guess that will have to do, since it’s all I ever seem to do.