When my daughters were little, their endless inquiries of “Why?” were charming and delightful. Questions like, “Why is the grass green?” or “Why do cats purr?” would fill our days with laughter and curiosity. However, as they transitioned into their tween years, the tone of their questions shifted, and I found myself feeling exasperated.
“Please tidy your room,” I would say, only to hear, “Why?” rising from the backseat. In those moments, I felt a surge of frustration, wishing I could simply respond, “Because I said so!” But I held back, recognizing that this was a crucial learning opportunity.
Their new “whys” often revolved around rules and restrictions: “Why can’t I have my own phone?” or “Why do I have to go to bed at 8?” Each question felt like a challenge, and I sometimes wished I could silence them by insisting they follow orders without question. Yet, I had to ask myself—do I really want to raise compliant daughters who don’t question authority, even if that authority is me?
As they grow, my daughters will encounter numerous challenging situations. I want them to possess the confidence to ask “Why?” when faced with uncomfortable requests, whether from peers, partners, or even parents. It’s vital for them to understand that they deserve answers and have the right to refuse what doesn’t feel right.
While this approach may seem unconventional, I believe it’s essential. I don’t want my daughters to learn to passively respect authority without discernment. This perspective may complicate my parenting journey, as it’s undoubtedly easier to demand compliance without explanation. However, I choose to invest time in fostering a relationship built on respect, empathy, and open communication. I want my daughters to feel empowered to agree with my requests rather than to feel pressured into submission.
Even when they resist my directives, I see it as a positive sign. When they ask, “Why do I need to wash my hair?” it can be frustrating, but I also feel pride in their ability to assert themselves. I want them to advocate for their needs, just as I strive to do for myself, even if it means postponing tasks like hair washing!
What may appear as rebellion now has the potential to evolve into critical thinking and self-confidence. These are qualities I am still cultivating in my own life. You might wonder why this matters—because I spent much of my youth silent, adhering to rules without questioning, and I don’t want my daughters to miss the opportunity to voice their thoughts.
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In summary, encouraging our daughters to ask “Why?” is crucial for their development. It fosters independence, critical thinking, and confidence—traits that will serve them well throughout their lives.