In a recent conversation with my teenage daughter, I asked her to respond to a situation “as a human.” It struck me then: have my expectations sunk so low that I needed to prompt her to simply express her feelings? In today’s society, dominated by social media and the complexities of teenage emotions, the concept of vulnerability is not just an idea but a crucial lesson that must be actively taught.
As a parent and therapist for adolescents, I have witnessed firsthand the profound impact that smartphones and social media can have on young minds. I often observe changes in mood that stem from their online interactions. For instance, several of my clients have shared how removing Snapchat from their devices improved their mornings, as they no longer woke up to a barrage of curated lives and “stories.” This has informed my approach to parenting, as I recognize the insecurities that arise from viewing seemingly perfect friend groups online. Just mention the phrase “friend group” to any teen, and you’re likely to see a relatable mix of longing and self-doubt.
A recent incident involving two high school students fighting brought these issues to the forefront. Although my daughter did not witness the altercation in real life, a crowd of onlookers chose to record the event. They followed the cultural script of “Don’t Be A Bystander” by not intervening; instead, they filmed the chaos, a reflection of how deeply ingrained social media has become in adolescent life. As I watched the videos, filled with laughter and excitement, I felt a mix of emotions. I remembered the fear and confusion of witnessing such events during my own youth. How would these teens process this moment later? Would it become a lasting trauma?
Understanding trauma is essential. It alters one’s perception of safety and stability. How will these students return to the classroom feeling secure and confident after witnessing such a disturbing event? The cognitive shift from a fight-or-flight response to the higher-level thinking required in school takes time and support.
When my daughter mentioned reaching out to the individual involved in the fight, I was proud of her empathy and kindness. I hoped that the girl on the receiving end felt her sincerity and had someone to talk to about the incident. The next day, I casually inquired if students were still discussing the fight. My daughter showed me a collection of edited videos where classmates had added captions and effects, transforming a serious event into something humorous. While I understood the impulse to lighten the mood, I felt compelled to remind her that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, scared, or sad. I urged her to embrace these feelings rather than mask them with humor.
The pervasive nature of smartphones has diminished the ability to be vulnerable. Instead of confronting feelings of awkwardness or loneliness, teens can easily distract themselves with apps and games. Recent studies, including segments on The Today Show, highlight the potential negative effects of excessive screen time on adolescent brains and emotional health.
As a therapist, I observe how individuals often resort to their phones to escape discomfort, seeking temporary relief from anxiety through likes and views. However, authentic vulnerability can foster resilience. By allowing ourselves to experience discomfort fully, we not only survive it but also learn and grow from it. Therefore, I will continue to encourage my children to feel deeply, even when it’s challenging. They will emerge stronger and more capable of handling future discomforts.
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In summary, reminding our teens to embrace their humanity and vulnerability is crucial in today’s complex world. By encouraging them to confront their emotions rather than escape them, we can help them develop resilience and emotional intelligence that will benefit them throughout their lives.