Growing up, my father was often preoccupied with his restaurant, leaving little time for family engagement. When he was home, he was usually resting or catching up on the news, and weekends were no different. While we felt his love, our mother was the one who took on the daily responsibilities of parenting—cooking, cleaning, driving us to activities, and tucking us into bed. I still recall a moment when I was around 9 years old, riding alone with him in the car after a friend’s house. It felt unusual to experience that one-on-one time.
Fast forward to my own family life, where my husband, although far more involved than my father, still dedicates over 60 hours a week to work while I manage the household. This background has influenced my perspective on parenting roles, prompting me to comment “Incredible!” on a photo shared by parenting blogger Dave Dad, who was multitasking by vacuuming and wearing his baby in a carrier. His response was nonchalant: “Just Dad.” This interaction got me thinking about our sometimes outdated expectations of fathers.
A week later, I came across a post from another blogger, Tim the Dad, showcasing him skillfully managing a shopping cart and a stroller with twin girls. His caption read, “Just me and the girls at the store—heads were turning. They had never seen anyone maneuver a cart & stroller with such grace.” In the comments, he expressed frustration that while his wife often faces scrutiny about their children’s appearance, he receives praise simply for being present.
Fathers like Tim find that they often garner compliments for actions that tend to go unnoticed when performed by mothers. One father commented on how he frequently hears praise for simply spending time with his son. He mused, “No, I’m just being a dad.” While compliments can be uplifting, they can also imply lower expectations for dads compared to moms.
It’s not that I doubt men’s capabilities; rather, my personal experiences have shaped my views. My husband is incredibly loving, but I typically handle tasks like diaper changes and meal preparation. When I see men doing household chores, I’m genuinely impressed—not because I doubt their abilities, but because they are breaking from traditional norms. They are stepping up to challenge old stereotypes, striving to achieve a better work-life balance, and taking on roles that their fathers might not have.
I believe it’s crucial to continue acknowledging fathers for their efforts. We should not perpetuate the stereotype that men are clueless or that women are the natural caregivers. We need to stop treating a dad’s involvement as “babysitting,” as parenting is a shared responsibility, not just a break for moms.
Instead of lowering expectations for mothers or raising them for fathers, we should celebrate all the daily victories of parenting. Whether it’s changing countless diapers, soothing crying babies, or spending long hours at the playground, each effort deserves recognition. Both fathers and mothers should receive equal praise for their commitment to their children.
Let’s work towards dismantling rigid gender roles that restrict how we engage with parenting. Everyone should be expected to be equally capable and involved in their children’s lives. We should all celebrate the moments when a parent is there for their kids with the simple words, “You are doing a great job!”
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Summary
Acknowledging fathers for their parenting skills is essential in breaking down traditional gender roles. Compliments should be given freely, celebrating the efforts of both mothers and fathers, not as a reflection of low expectations but as a recognition of the hard work parenting entails.