This narrative needs to shift. By stating she “died by suicide,” I acknowledge the reality of her mental illness. In our society, those with mental health issues are often dismissed, labeled as “crazy” or “addicts,” which oversimplifies their experiences. Emily was not just a statistic; she was a victim of a mental condition that ultimately turned against her and a healthcare system that failed to provide necessary support.
From the moment I met Emily at 14, her brilliance shone through. At 6’3”, she was an unmistakable figure, combining a tough exterior with an inner vulnerability. I recall her struggles with depression during our teenage years. As she transitioned into her 20s, under the guidance of a therapist, she successfully managed to stop medication and relied on meditation and yoga as coping strategies.
When she became a mother at 26, I remember our discussions about postpartum depression and how we would have a plan if it arose. She was logical and prepared. It seemed the arrival of her first child brought her joy, and for several years, motherhood appeared to bring light into her life. Our friendship deepened during this time as we navigated the challenges of being professional women while raising children.
However, everything changed with the birth of her second child, five years later. Although she was initially ecstatic, things took a turn when she began experiencing postpartum depression. Compounding this was her separation from her partner, leading to estrangement. I found myself unable to reach out to her effectively.
A year before her death, I was part of an intervention to encourage her to seek hospital care for rest. We were careful with our language, knowing she wouldn’t go for “mental health reasons.” Sadly, Emily managed to convince herself and us that she only needed more sleep, labeling her condition as mere “exhaustion.” My heart sank, realizing she was in denial about her mental health.
Almost one year later, Emily was gone. Our communication had dwindled to comments and likes on social media, and I often wonder if I could have made a difference had she reached out. I wish I could tell her, “You matter. You matter to me. I know you’re struggling, but things can get better. Let me help you.”
You matter. You matter. You matter.
I love you, Emily.
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