Updated: November 7, 2020
Originally Published: May 26, 2018
At the age of 24, my partner and I welcomed our first child, Ryan, into the world. We had been married for just over two years. I was juggling college classes to complete my undergraduate degree while working nearly full-time in a restaurant. Meanwhile, Sarah was employed full-time at a home improvement store. Reflecting on that time, we thought we were prepared for parenthood, but in hindsight, it felt like we were simply two kids embarking on a daunting journey.
Our son had a peculiar habit of only sleeping if he was held in a specific way, resembling a football cradled in one arm. Countless nights were spent on the couch, my arm cradling him awkwardly, my elbow resting on pillows, and my head propped against a bookshelf. Around 2 a.m., we would switch roles, both desperately seeking a few moments of rest.
It was undoubtedly the sleep deprivation that strained our marriage. Coupled with financial stress and the challenges of adjusting to our new roles as parents, we found ourselves fighting more than ever. Disagreements erupted over the most trivial matters—dishes, laundry, and sleep. We even began to keep score.
I vividly recall one afternoon while grocery shopping. Ryan was nestled in his car seat in one cart, while our groceries filled another. A seemingly innocent argument over breakfast cereal escalated dramatically. I can’t recall the exact words Sarah used, but I remember her calling me something akin to “fool.” It was one of those moments where, in public, you could sense the tension bubbling just beneath the surface, and you knew that if we were at home, the volume would have been much higher. All this over cereal? Ridiculous.
This is the reality of new parenthood. While many people tout the joy of having a baby, the transition can be unexpectedly tumultuous. For us, it felt like a truckload of wet wipes, diapers, and baby formula had crashed into our lives. The little free time we once enjoyed vanished, leaving us to fight over the few moments we had left.
Both of us were exhausted and overextended, compounded by the constant sound of a crying baby. It felt as though Sarah believed I owed her sleep, just as I felt she owed me. But with work, school, and the demands of parenting, sleep became a rare commodity. We were both too tired to take our frustrations out on Ryan, so we redirected them towards one another.
During that first year, we didn’t argue every single day, but it was close. When I think back on that period, it feels like a hazy blur of frustration and fatigue.
If you had a particularly smooth experience with your first child, I kindly ask you to keep your advice to yourself and simply count your blessings. However, if you relate to my experience of barely holding it together, I want you to know that you are not alone. This phase is tough, but it’s important to remember that what you’re going through is entirely normal. Many couples face similar challenges, and it will improve with time. Eventually, your baby will sleep better, and you will learn to redefine your expectations regarding personal time and household cleanliness.
There might not be a single turning point that resolves everything, but gradually, life will shift. By persevering, you will discover how to navigate parenthood together. Being a happy couple before children doesn’t guarantee happiness after, but it can lead to growth through compromise and understanding.
This is not about placing blame—neither you nor your partner is at fault. It’s simply the reality of welcoming a new baby. It’s stressful, but in time, you will learn to communicate better and to love each other in new ways. Most importantly, you will adjust your expectations, realizing that while having children is an incredible journey, it can also be challenging.
You’ll find your footing again, and when you do, it will all be worth it—even if the journey feels rough at times. For additional insights on pregnancy and home insemination, consider checking out this excellent resource from Healthline or explore how to boost your fertility with tips from Make a Mom. If you’re navigating infertility, remember that it’s a journey, not just a destination, as stated by Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
Welcoming a child can significantly strain a marriage, often leading to increased arguments and stress. Both partners may feel overwhelmed by sleep deprivation, financial pressures, and the demands of parenthood. While the transition is challenging, it is essential to recognize that these struggles are common. Over time, couples can learn to navigate their new roles together, improving communication and adjusting expectations. Ultimately, the journey of parenthood, despite its difficulties, can lead to deeper connections and growth as a couple.