Updated: Sep. 20, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 2, 2012
Like many individuals, I’ve experienced my fair share of friendships fading. Each time I relocated, whether by choice or circumstance, I left behind companions. Friends have slipped away due to drifting apart, diverging interests, or irreparable conflicts. The memories of these past friendships linger, each marked by different levels of pain.
However, the most profound sense of loss came after I embraced motherhood. The absence of friends was not just hurtful; it was utterly disheartening. Even four years later, I find myself grieving not only for the friendships but also for what those connections signified in my life.
In our youth, friendships are often preordained, influenced by school classes, activities, or parental decisions. But as we mature, we begin to realize that friendships can be chosen based on shared beliefs and interests. By adulthood, our friends become those who inspire us, bring joy, and enhance our lives. They often mirror our current phase in life.
During my time at art school, I formed bonds with imaginative, free-spirited artists. In my early twenties, my social circle consisted of party-goers; our nights were filled with late-night escapades and brunches that started well past noon. However, as I transitioned into my late twenties, I sought deeper connections—friendships that offered emotional support rather than mere late-night revelry.
With my marriage and pregnancy, I anticipated maintaining these friendships. I was determined not to lose my identity to motherhood; I wanted to be a modern, independent woman who wouldn’t let a child define her existence. Yet, the reality of motherhood hit hard. I faced sleepless nights and a consuming anxiety that pushed my former life, along with my friendships, into the background.
My struggles with depression affected my ability to be the mother, wife, or friend I aspired to be. Although I cared for my friends, I found it increasingly challenging to integrate them into a life revolving around feeding schedules and endless nap times. Friendships that lack nurturing inevitably fade, and that’s precisely what happened.
The friends from my life before motherhood could not comprehend my new reality. They were oblivious to the exhaustion of waking multiple times each night or the emotional turmoil of being away from my child. My priorities shifted to simply surviving each day, ensuring my son’s well-being, and managing the strains of marriage.
As time passed, I found solace in therapy and medication, gradually emerging from the depths of depression. Additionally, I was fortunate to connect with other mothers who understood my struggles. These “mom” friends have supported me through the challenges of parenting, allowing me to embrace a new version of myself. Despite this support, I still hold a deep affection for my old friends and often reminisce about our shared experiences.
Yet, the loss of those friendships was more than just the absence of companionship; it symbolized a loss of my former self. I often feel like I’m no longer Emily, the friend and individual I once was. Instead, I’ve become Emily, the Mom. My previous life has been fundamentally altered. The carefree days spent with friends have been replaced by obligations centered around my children.
Now, over four years after my first son’s birth (and a year after my second), I find myself in a much healthier place. I’ve embraced motherhood, but I can’t help but reflect on the person I used to be—someone who was spontaneous and carefree, unbothered by the demands of child-rearing. I catch fleeting glimpses of that former self, yet it remains evident that she, much like the friendships I once held dear, is no longer fully present.
For those navigating similar journeys, it’s essential to find resources that support your path. Websites like March of Dimes offer invaluable insights into pregnancy, while Intracervical Insemination provides guidance on healthier cooking options. For those interested in exploring home insemination methods, check out our post about the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo.
Summary
This narrative reflects on the emotional turmoil of losing friendships after becoming a mother, emphasizing the identity shifts that accompany motherhood. The author shares her journey through depression, the rediscovery of connections with “mom” friends, and the ongoing longing for her pre-baby self. The piece serves as a reminder of the need for understanding and support during significant life transitions.