I’ve always been a people-pleaser at my core. I shy away from conflict and genuinely desire for everyone to see things my way. Don’t get me wrong—I appreciate a good debate (I chose to study law partly for that reason), but at the end of the day, I truly want everyone on my side. I avoid ruffling feathers because, honestly, I just want people to like me.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize how pointless—and even damaging—this relentless pursuit of universal approval can be. I’ve embraced the notion that “I’m not Nutella” and acknowledged that I can’t cater to everyone’s tastes. I’ve also grown more comfortable with who I am.
I’m a unique flavor with no patience for nonsense and a naturally serious expression. Consequently, I’m not exactly winning any popularity contests, and some people might just not vibe with me. But you know what? I’m okay with that. I’ve adopted a “I don’t give a damn” attitude when it comes to trying to please everyone.
The “I’m not Nutella, not everyone will like me” mantra has become a popular self-love philosophy, and while it has its merits, it does come with caveats. Some individuals misuse it to justify poor behavior. They hide behind it to avoid listening to others, to dodge accountability when they mess up, and to steer clear of necessary conversations. That’s not self-love; that’s simply being inconsiderate.
Let’s clarify what “I’m not Nutella” signifies—and what it doesn’t.
“I am who I am” is perfectly valid when it comes to personal preferences, such as loving country music or enjoying a particular TV show. However, it does not give you the green light to be rude or to hurt others with what you call “brutal honesty.”
“Not everyone is gonna like me” applies when you prefer cozy nights in while someone else loves to party. It works when you enjoy swearing but others are offended by the word “damn.” It does not apply, however, when you act like a jerk and refuse to listen.
The “I’m not Nutella” perspective means you shouldn’t waste your energy trying to impress everyone. You don’t need to alter who you are to fit in. But you must still be a respectful human being. It doesn’t grant you a free pass to ignore dissenting opinions or resort to name-calling.
The danger of these hasty “I am who I am” and “not everyone’s gonna like me” responses is that they can halt personal growth. They can prevent us from striving to be better, from learning, and from evolving. This mindset can trap us in a bubble of like-minded individuals. And let’s be real: sometimes it just makes you come off as a giant jerk.
We should absolutely love and accept ourselves. We shouldn’t waste time worrying about those who don’t understand our true selves. We shouldn’t change our essence for others’ approval.
However, we also shouldn’t ignore the impact of our actions. While we shouldn’t change who we are, we can adjust our behavior if it’s causing harm. Self-reflection is crucial. We must continue to seek improvement and aim to be our best selves. We shouldn’t hide behind the excuse of “not everyone is gonna like me, I’m not Nutella” when we’ve hurt someone.
So, keep your “you do you, I am who I am” mindset. Know and be proud of who you are. But don’t bury your head in the sand and mislabel it as self-love or acceptance. Because that’s just ignorance and denial, and nobody appreciates that.
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Summary:
The article discusses the popular yet potentially harmful mindset of “I’m not for everyone.” While self-acceptance is essential, it shouldn’t be used to justify bad behavior or a lack of self-improvement. Embracing who you are should also include being respectful and open to growth.