“The expectation placed on working mothers is strikingly clear: one must work as if children do not exist, while parenting as though one is devoid of a job.” – Sarah Lawson
Previous generations of women, including our mothers and grandmothers, fought valiantly for equal rights and opportunities, including the right to support their families financially. Their efforts were not in vain; women now represent nearly half of the workforce. In Canada, over 75% of women aged 25 to 54 are employed.
As the next generation, we benefit from the strides they made. We’ve been raised with the belief that we can achieve anything – that we can truly have it all. Consequently, we pursue higher education in record numbers. However, despite our progress in professional realms, we find ourselves shouldering an unequal burden of child-rearing and household responsibilities. As a working mother, it’s difficult not to ponder, “Is this what they fought for?”
The concept of “having it all” is increasingly revealed to be a misleading notion. In practice, it equates to doing everything.
We are expected to cultivate fulfilling careers without letting parental duties interfere with our professional lives. We must work harder to demonstrate that our ambition remains intact post-children. Additionally, we are tasked with being engaged primary caregivers: volunteering at schools, participating in the PTA, coaching sports teams, and organizing elaborate birthday celebrations.
On top of that, we juggle cooking, cleaning, managing schedules, appointments, shopping, and social engagements. We strive to maintain our exercise routines, nurture our relationships with partners, and carve out time for self-care.
With so many responsibilities, it feels like a single unexpected event could send everything spiraling out of control. One sudden illness could lead to chaos.
As I reflect on five years of parenthood, I realize that something must give. We cannot do it all, and it’s time to abandon the pretense that we can. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for choices, not for us to be bound by unrealistic expectations.
We can choose to fully commit to demanding careers while delegating childcare and household tasks. Alternatively, we may opt for a (rare) part-time job, recognizing that this might mean sidelining some professional aspirations for now. Self-employment is another option, albeit one that often complicates the ability to take genuine breaks. Staying at home is yet another valid choice, though it may come at the cost of years of potential earnings. Each choice carries its own set of challenges.
It’s essential to release the notion that our homes must be immaculate, that bake sale treats need to be homemade, or that we should revert to our “pre-baby” physiques. Instead, prioritize what truly matters to you and let the rest fall by the wayside. Striving for perfection in every facet of life is an impossible standard.
In an ideal world, work-life balance would be more than just a buzzword. In such a world, pursuing flexible work options wouldn’t hinder career advancement, and women would not disproportionately bear the burdens of childcare and household management. Until we reach that stage, we must cease exhausting ourselves in the pursuit of the elusive dream of “having it all.”
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In summary, the notion of “having it all” is a myth that places undue pressure on women, especially working mothers. We must redefine our approach to success and well-being, focusing on the choices that genuinely align with our values and lifestyles.