The journey to discover and chase one’s true passions is a deeply personal and significant endeavor. I believe that mothers, in particular, often find themselves living in a way that stifles their passions, settling for a life that doesn’t quite resonate with their innermost desires. We become accustomed to feelings of burnout and emptiness, and these emotions start to feel like the new normal.
In our dedication to motherhood, we often make small compromises that chip away at our identity, leaving little space for the interests and aspirations that define us beyond being a parent. While our commitment is commendable, we must ask ourselves: what do we sacrifice in the process?
Moms are meant to live vibrantly, fully engaged in life, especially during the challenging yet beautiful journey of motherhood. If we don’t pursue our passions, how will our children understand what it means to lead a rich and fulfilling life? Yet, many of us suppress our dreams, abandon our hobbies, and cease searching for a deeper purpose when we embark on this journey of motherhood. We convince ourselves that being a mother is enough, and gradually let go of our aspirations—spending more time caring for others than nurturing our own dreams.
Initially, this shift may feel unsettling, but over time, it becomes habitual to live with that nagging sense of dissatisfaction. We become friends with our discomfort, believing it will never change. After all, motherhood is a full-time job, and who has the time to ponder life’s big questions or to seek out what truly makes us feel complete? We keep our heads down, rushing through the daily grind of appointments, playdates, and chores, feeling it’s selfish to pursue anything for ourselves when it might detract from our presence with our children or our commitment to work.
However, in doing this, we inevitably miss out on the things we once cherished—like time for ourselves, exercise, or even a peaceful cup of coffee. We feel resentment toward what we’ve sacrificed, leading us to seek that elusive “work-life balance” to restore order to our chaotic lives. Yet we find ourselves overwhelmed, exhausted, and disillusioned. We feel like failures because we can’t do it all, and we believe that if we could just discover the perfect formula for balance, we would finally be able to meet everyone’s needs, including our own.
Attempting to fit everything into our schedules and give our all is a futile endeavor. The more we strive to do it all, the more we fall short, leaving us to berate ourselves for every unmet expectation. Instead of examining our approach, we often internalize the blame, searching endlessly for that elusive balance.
I’m not dismissing the value of work-life balance strategies; they can be beneficial. However, our fixation on achieving balance often stems from a desire to alleviate feelings of inadequacy and disappointment, which can lead us to misdirect our efforts.
Reshma Patel, a thought leader in women’s empowerment, urges us to teach girls to embrace bravery rather than perfection. Her insights highlight how society conditions girls to avoid risks and mistakes, leading to a lifelong pursuit of unattainable perfection in all aspects of life.
We judge ourselves against impossible standards, comparing our chaotic realities to the seemingly perfect lives of others, especially those polished portrayals we see on social media. It often feels like I’m the only one struggling to find a balance that works, yet I realize I’m not truly seeking balance. Instead, I yearn for superhuman abilities to extend my days and eliminate basic needs like sleep or nourishment to fulfill every obligation and finally feel some sense of achievement.
The real problem is that I often exclude my own needs from the equation. With so much on my plate, I neglect my own desires, losing sight of the balance we seek. This is how we remove the foundation of our emotional well-being and wonder why everything collapses around us.
You will never genuinely find “balance” or rid yourself of feelings of disappointment until you actively pursue your passions—the activities that bring you joy and vitality—and allow yourself to recognize a purpose beyond motherhood. This may seem paradoxical, but the truth is that nurturing your soul makes you a better parent. It’s not selfish; it’s an act of profound love. Keep in mind that while your role as a mother is enduring, its responsibilities evolve over time. If your entire identity is tied to your children, everyone—including you—may suffer. Thus, it’s crucial to identify interests beyond parenting for your own sake and for theirs.
Admittedly, this isn’t easy for moms. We are attuned to our families’ needs and have trained ourselves to silence our inner voices that yearn for excitement and joy. Rediscovering that voice takes time, practice, and a dedicated effort to listen to it again.
For me, it started with a simple weekly yoga class, which felt trivial at first. I hesitated countless times before finally attending. To my surprise, the world didn’t end. My family managed just fine for that hour, and I felt rejuvenated and more alive than I had in months.
I discovered that by “selfishly” carving out time for a yoga class, I moved closer to uncovering my passion and purpose than I ever could through schooling or obsessing over my lack of direction. I needed to show myself that joy is worth pursuing before I could even begin to uncover deeper meanings within my life.
I encourage you to do the same. Acknowledge the part of you that craves joy and listen when it urges you toward something fulfilling. Embrace those moments, even if they feel strange or frivolous—trust that they will lead you to something remarkable.
In conclusion, remember that the path to finding fulfillment lies not in the pursuit of an unattainable balance, but in embracing your passions and acknowledging your needs as a mother and an individual.