In my early days of dating my now-husband, he had a penchant for a particular saying—so cliché it was almost unbearable. You’ve likely encountered it too: “It is what it is.” At first glance, it seems harmless enough, but its implications can be frustratingly dismissive.
Imagine this: you accidentally lock your keys inside your car, forcing you to call a locksmith, which makes you late for a job interview. As a result, you lose the job opportunity and shell out $50 for the lock—only to hear your partner say, “It is what it is.” What emoji would best express your feelings in that moment? He’s fortunate I decided to marry him!
When my daughter was diagnosed with special needs, I often heard variations of “it is what it is.” Over time, I learned to accept it, as the phrase is often meant to help you accept reality and move toward a solution. As my daughter grew and charmed everyone around her with her heartwarming hugs and playful kisses, the situation didn’t seem as daunting. She radiated joy, and who cared if she used a wheelchair?
The concept of the “disability paradox” first came to my attention during a BBC interview featuring renowned broadcaster and sociologist, Max Harper, who has dwarfism. This term is well-known in the realm of special needs: individuals with disabilities often report a level of happiness that rivals or exceeds that of their non-disabled counterparts. The notion that “less is more” seemingly holds true.
However, I initially resisted the term. It felt limiting, reducing her to something to be patted on the head rather than admired. She isn’t happy because she lacks understanding; she’s incredibly skilled with technology and devours books with enthusiasm. Her imagination is a vibrant explosion, akin to plunging into a kaleidoscope of colors. Why should her happiness be labeled as a paradox?
Then I reframed the narrative. Instead of the “disability paradox,” I came to see it as the “happiness paradox.” We all know those who appear to have it all—the perfect job, the stylish home, the enviable lifestyle that makes you hum catchy tunes. Yet, paradoxically, they often seem the most discontented. This is why lottery winners experience fleeting joy before returning to their previous dissatisfaction, often squandering their winnings. It speaks to the human condition: we are always seeking more.
My daughter embodies a unique happiness paradox. She cherishes what she has—not from ignorance, but from a profound understanding of life’s fleeting nature. She has developed a perspective that prioritizes relationships, joy, and meaningful experiences.
So, what if we all practiced a little self-reflection without striving for an unattainable ideal? What if we allowed happiness to envelop us like a familiar, comforting blanket? What if the key to happiness was not accumulating more, but rather nurturing our connections with others? Perhaps we could bridge the paradox and discover happiness that is unconditional. What if the phrase “It is what it is” could be reinterpreted to signify that the present moment is, in fact, wonderful?
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In summary, the happiness paradox invites us to shift our focus from longing for more to appreciating the present. By valuing our experiences and connections, we can cultivate a deeper sense of joy that doesn’t depend on external circumstances.