When my daughter was born a year ago, my partner eagerly shared the news: she weighed this much, measured that much, and of course, “mom and baby are doing fine.” This phrase, which seems to accompany every new arrival, suddenly struck me as one of the most absurd statements I’d ever encountered.
Fine? We were fine?
There was nothing fine about it. The epidural was ineffective, my partner was awkwardly adjusting the IV in my hand, and it was obvious that the nurse was inexperienced. Afterward, I felt every single stitch.
Now, this precious little girl was in the world, and she appeared just as unsettled by it. I couldn’t blame her. Our first photographs reveal two frazzled faces, both of us overwhelmed and uncertain. Neither of us looked “fine.”
Lying in bed, I listened to her cries, unable to rise and comfort her, and it infuriated me. Surely, we couldn’t be the first mother and baby pair to be inaccurately labeled “fine.” How many other women were declared “fine” while desperately needing help, whether that be sleep, physical therapy, or a hospital cafeteria that served food past 6 p.m.? I suspected most of them. And I couldn’t shake the thought that this so-called “baby-friendly” hospital was doing little for my daughter, left in her big plastic crib while we both struggled to figure things out.
My newborn certainly wouldn’t have agreed to the “fine” label either.
It was ridiculous to think that two individuals who had just endured such a tumultuous experience could be classified as anything as mundane as “fine.” This only reinforced what I had come to realize during my pregnancy: Unless you were in a life-threatening situation, you were somehow “fine.” Unless you were facing a dire emergency, you were “fine.” Ignore the pain, the fear; just take your vitamins, follow the guidelines, and schedule your next appointment. Heaven forbid you show anything less than joy during those 40 weeks because you’re “fine,” and countless others would envy your position.
I reflected on how fortunate I was to have experienced a “fine” pregnancy. Despite the discomfort, the stress, and the looming dread of countless sleepless nights ahead, I thought about it further. Yes, it had been a challenging pregnancy, and the birthing experience left much to be desired. But after all of that, no, we were not fine. We would probably never be just fine again. No, after everything we’d endured, we were absolutely incredible. That beautiful little girl? She was the most extraordinary baby in the world. And I was the one who brought her here.
Do you describe someone who just completed an Ironman as “fine”? No, she’s remarkable. Were the gladiators who survived another battle in the arena “fine”? No, they were heroes. Did anyone suggest that Michelangelo’s masterpiece was merely “fine”? No, he was a genius. And did Joseph inform the shepherds and angels that Mary and Jesus were “doing fine”? Well, he probably did – men.
My daughter and I were on top of the world, even if neither of us could stand or clearly express our needs. Though we were uncertain about the future, we were thriving. We knew a few vital truths: we were loved, we were alive, and we had each other.
Mom and baby aren’t just “fine.” Stop saying that. Better yet, stop believing it. It’s a misconception that has never held true. Mom and baby are miraculous beings; they are warriors. They’ve conquered birth and are more than ready to face whatever life presents. They can take on the world. Just as soon as mom can get out of bed on her own.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out our post on the at-home insemination kit for helpful resources. For authoritative insights, visit this expert article that delves into the journey many families experience. Additionally, the Fertility Center at Johns Hopkins offers excellent resources for those navigating pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the journey of motherhood and new life is anything but ordinary. The experiences are profound and transformative, yet the term “fine” trivializes the reality. Instead, we should celebrate the incredible strength of mothers and their babies, recognizing them as the remarkable beings they are.