Entering your 40s can be a strange and unexpected experience. While we anticipate changes like wrinkles and night sweats, the reality hits hard when they arrive. I always thought those stereotypes about “middle-aged women” applied to everyone else, not me. But here I am, grappling with the reality that I’m actually in my 40s.
This period is both peculiar and exhilarating. One of the most challenging aspects is recognizing the subtle gaslighting we face daily. Society has been gaslighting middle-aged women for generations, often without even realizing it.
We’ve all heard of the infamous “midlife crisis,” haven’t we? It’s often mentioned with a dismissive tone, as if to trivialize any discomfort we might feel. It’s as if our genuine emotions and behaviors are being swept aside with a wave of the hand, reduced to mere hormonal fluctuations. This narrative is misleading.
There’s also this notion that the 40s bring a liberating sense of “I don’t give a f***.” While it’s true that we start to care less about trivial matters, we simultaneously become more invested in what truly matters, which can be emotionally draining. We might filter out the nonsense better, but that just reveals how pervasive it is.
Some days, we feel empowered and fabulous, embracing that carefree attitude. Other days, we just want to scream and retreat from the world. This emotional rollercoaster is normal, yet it’s rarely discussed. We either hear praise for our 40s or warnings of a crisis, both of which fail to capture the complex reality.
For years, we’ve been fed false narratives. The world struggles to understand the multifaceted nature of middle-aged women, leaving us feeling disoriented. If we don’t experience that carefree liberation, we think something must be wrong with us. If we feel frustrated, we’re told it’s just a midlife crisis.
But if you’re feeling overwhelmed or confused, it’s not you—it’s the world. Experiencing complicated emotions is simply part of being human. Are we feeling angsty? Absolutely. Life moves quickly, and we’re constantly reminded of its fleeting nature. We want to seize opportunities yet feel weighed down by responsibilities—whether it’s our children’s activities or caring for aging parents.
Yes, we feel angry, and we have every right to. The world can be chaotic and unjust. But that doesn’t negate our gratitude for the positive things in our lives. We can experience joy and frustration simultaneously.
Are we perplexed and anxious? Of course, we’re trying to juggle everything—our families, careers, and personal needs—all while battling sleepless nights. The worry can keep us up for hours, leading to moments of emotional overflow. This is not a crisis; it’s the reality for many of us in our 40s. It can be wonderful, confusing, and scary all at once.
Let’s shift the conversation. It’s time to acknowledge the complexities of life in your 40s and 50s. Let’s stop gaslighting ourselves and each other.
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