In my college days back in 1992, I shared a house with 16 other rowers, all trying to navigate the complexities of youth and relationships. Among them was a guy named Eric, who clearly had feelings for me. After an end-of-season party filled with too much punch, I found myself spinning and leaning against a door with Eric by my side. My friend Hannah insisted he make sure I got back to my room safely. When I woke up the next morning, he was there, ensuring I was alright.
Then there was Brian, who was a high school acquaintance of my roommate. I met him at a party early in the semester. He had a friendly demeanor but a physique reminiscent of a linebacker with a bit of a belly. One night, he took me on a tour of his fraternity house, where things took a turn. He led me into a dimly lit room and suddenly tried to take advantage of me. I managed to push him off and escape downstairs, heart racing.
Then there was Rick, a senior quarterback who seemed charming at first. After chatting at a local bar, I accepted a ride back to my dorm, thinking nothing of it. Once inside, I tried to keep the conversation light, but he quickly realized I wasn’t interested and left without further incident.
Lastly, there was someone I’ll call Mark. He was a friend of mine and asked me to come to his room under the pretense of needing advice. I went, trusting him. What followed was a painful experience where I found myself in a situation I never wanted to be in. I screamed “STOP!” but he didn’t listen.
Now, as I raise my son, I am focused on teaching him about that crucial four-letter word: STOP. Whether we are wrestling or playing, if he says stop, I immediately respect his wishes. He understands the importance of boundaries, and he knows that his body belongs to him alone.
I stress to him that this lesson, combined with the principles of kindness and respect for others, will help him grow into a man who never feels entitled to infringe on someone else’s comfort. I refuse to raise a Mark; instead, I aim to nurture a young man like Eric.
As a mother, I feel it is my duty to instill values in him that promote empathy and respect. The outdated notion of “Boys Will Be Boys” is simply unacceptable. Boys can and must be taught to show kindness, love, and to help others. If we set higher expectations, they will rise to meet them.
I am committed to teaching my son that every individual, regardless of their background, deserves respect. He will learn that he is not entitled to anyone’s affection, and that patience and compassion are priceless virtues. I also hope he remembers these lessons throughout his life.
Expecting boys to misbehave because it’s “normal” lets them off the hook from accountability. Instead, I want him to learn some other four-letter words that are equally significant:
- Boys should be Kind.
- Boys can show Love.
- Boys can inspire Hope.
- Boys can Help.
And while he may encounter other four-letter words as he grows, they will never hold the same weight as the lessons I teach him about respect.
Summary
In raising my son, I prioritize teaching him the importance of boundaries and respect, particularly through the four-letter word “STOP.” My goal is to instill values of kindness and accountability, steering him away from harmful stereotypes associated with masculinity. Instead, I aim to nurture a compassionate, respectful individual who understands the significance of consent and empathy.