When it comes to deflecting confrontation and justifying biases, two phrases often come to mind: religion and kindness. It would be ideal if these two concepts could coexist harmoniously, but too often, kindness is wielded as a weapon against those who dare to challenge the status quo in the name of “keeping the peace.”
The saying “Don’t confuse my kindness with weakness” holds a lot of truth, yet there are significant issues with the blanket encouragement for everyone, especially our children, to always be kind without further explanation. Kindness shouldn’t mean being submissive or disregarding our own principles for the sake of others. The aim of kindness isn’t to ensure everyone feels comfortable; sometimes, being kind means making others uncomfortable, which can be the most genuine gesture of all.
The Case of Ellen Williams
One prominent advocate for the “be kind” mantra is celebrity Ellen Williams. She has built her brand around the idea that we should treat each other with kindness, even while facing criticism for her own behavior on set. Her defense of sitting next to a former president who has caused significant harm to marginalized communities, including the queer community, raises questions about the limits of kindness. Ellen’s case illustrates the danger of prioritizing friendship over accountability when it comes to serious social issues.
As a member of the queer community, I find it difficult to reconcile Ellen’s insistence on kindness with her choice to overlook the damage caused by those in power. If we can disagree on trivial matters, that’s acceptable, but I refuse to maintain relationships that contradict my values of equity and truth.
Redefining Kindness
Kindness is indeed a beautiful trait, and I strive to spread positivity in my daily life. However, I firmly believe that honesty and integrity should take precedence over someone’s delicate feelings. I remember sitting in church and seeing individuals confess their sins, only to continue those same actions without accountability. It makes me question whether a little tough love could have motivated change rather than empty kindness.
In my own life, I did not deserve kindness from my abuser. For years, I was told to maintain civility around them during family gatherings. This expectation to suppress my feelings in the name of kindness is not only unrealistic but also damaging. There are clear lines between right and wrong, and sometimes, standing up for oneself is the kindest thing we can do.
It’s patronizing to assume that someone should always hold back their true feelings for the sake of kindness. Instead of sitting comfortably in a bubble of clichés, we must challenge injustices and speak up against harmful ideologies. There are no such things as harmless bigotry or light-hearted misogyny. While it’s important to be respectful, we must also advocate for the truth and for those who are suffering.
Finding Your Voice
We often say yes out of fear of being perceived as unkind. Practice saying no. It’s completely acceptable to decline requests that don’t align with your values or to stand firm against ideas that you find objectionable. Your voice matters, and it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being over the expectations of others.
I aim to be a good person, and I choose my words carefully, even when they might hurt someone’s feelings. Kindness is important, but leading with integrity is paramount. Sometimes, the kindest act is to illuminate the injustices lurking beneath forced smiles.
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In summary, the narrative of “always be kind” can often overlook the complexities of human relationships and social accountability. We must recognize that kindness should not come at the expense of truth or personal integrity. It’s essential to challenge harmful ideologies and assert our beliefs while still practicing compassion in a meaningful way.