I recently relocated to a quaint, three-bedroom cottage. While it’s modest in size, it suits my needs perfectly as a home for me and my two daughters. With a 25% down payment, my interest rate is favorable, and my monthly mortgage—including taxes and insurance—comes in under $800.
The motivation behind purchasing this little abode stems from the recent sale of our family home during my divorce. This new place is a far cry from the larger brick colonial my ex and I once shared, and the yard is practically nonexistent. Admittedly, it doesn’t exude much grandeur, but it represents a significant shift in my life.
Interestingly, this transition doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. In fact, I feel an overwhelming sense of richness—not just in terms of money, but in finally living authentically as an out gay woman. When my ex-husband and I parted ways, we divided a substantial amount of assets, including proceeds from the sale of our home. Now, I have a manageable living situation with minimal expenses, as well as a retirement account intact.
While I am immensely grateful for this newfound freedom, I also grapple with feelings of guilt. For a long time, I envisioned a future where living independently as an out gay woman seemed impossible. I felt trapped in a heterosexual marriage, despite knowing my true self for years. Having been a stay-at-home mom for over a decade, my income was limited to what I could earn sporadically while juggling family responsibilities, leaving me without personal savings. Although I was aware that marital property laws mandated a 50/50 division, I feared I would be left with nothing.
I explored rental options but quickly realized that even a rundown apartment would be out of reach—my inconsistent freelance income wouldn’t cover the monthly cost of rent and bills. I thought it would take years to achieve financial stability and independence.
It wasn’t until a conversation with a recently divorced friend that I discovered a different reality. “That’s not how it works,” she said, revealing the possibilities I hadn’t considered.
When my marriage ended, I left with sufficient cash to make a down payment on my new home. Yes, it’s a small house with dated features, but it’s a safe haven for my daughters and me—a space where I can begin anew and embrace my true identity. I am free.
Yet, the guilt lingers. I can’t shake the thought of the countless stay-at-home parents who are financially trapped in unfulfilling marriages or those who find themselves nearly broke after separation. In my quest for advice on how to support my daughters through this difficult time, I joined a divorcing moms group on Facebook. Instead of guidance on parenting, I found thousands of women urgently seeking ways to make ends meet as they struggled to navigate their broken relationships.
This scenario plays out even among those who have already separated. Many individuals, despite laws that advocate for a 50/50 division of assets, feel trapped in marriages without any viable financial escape route. Years of living paycheck to paycheck leave little room for negotiation, and poor financial management by a partner can exacerbate the situation.
For many stay-at-home parents, returning to the job market poses significant challenges. They look at low-paying positions and calculate the numbers, realizing that even with child support, it’s nearly impossible to make ends meet. They feel stuck.
I recognize how fortunate I am. It’s been a challenging year, but I am grateful daily for the financial means to liberate myself. Additionally, I possess skills that enable me to earn income, despite my time away from the workforce. Although I strive to live within my means, finances are still tight, but I couldn’t have made this transition without the assets I gained from my marriage. I acknowledge that I am the exception, not the norm.
If you know someone navigating a divorce, consider offering them support. They may be facing financial hardships. Simple gestures like carpooling or inviting them for dinner can make a difference. Emotional support is just as vital as financial assistance.
For those feeling financially trapped in their marriages, it’s essential to recognize that there are paths to freedom, even when resources are scarce. I’ve witnessed women in my support group fight against the odds to escape toxic relationships and flourish on their own, finding happiness in their newfound independence. It’s undoubtedly a challenging journey—those who succeed are scaling an invisible mountain. I see you, I acknowledge the struggles you face, and I admire your strength.
In conclusion, financial freedom can profoundly impact one’s sense of self and future. While my journey may have been easier due to my financial circumstances, many face far greater challenges. Let’s support one another in finding paths to independence and fulfillment.
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Summary:
The author shares her experience of finding financial freedom post-divorce, highlighting her journey toward independence as an out gay woman. Despite the challenges faced by many, her story emphasizes the importance of support and the possibility of escaping financially restrictive situations.