Last night, my son retreated to his room to immerse himself in Fortnite, the widely popular video game that connects teens with players worldwide. He frequently plays with individuals from various regions, including the U.S., Latin America, Europe, and even Canada last night. Whenever I misplace my headset, I usually find it in his room, where he uses it for gaming. I question whether this is beneficial, but given the current pandemic and widespread anti-racist movements, I’m choosing to overlook the unmade bed, late mornings, and his refusal to eat Brussels sprouts.
Thanks to the headphones, I caught snippets of his heated discussion, with him fervently shouting into the mic. “You can’t say that word! It’s wrong! It’s one of the most offensive slurs out there. Don’t ever use it!” Naturally, I checked in on him, but he motioned for me to leave. “That word has been wielded to oppress Black people, to marginalize us. It’s unacceptable.”
I returned to my room, feeling a mix of anger and pride as I witnessed him using his voice to challenge intolerance. “What do you mean I don’t sound Black? What the…” He stormed into my room, visibly upset.
“Mom, I can’t believe this! I was gaming with a 14-year-old girl, and she just casually said, ‘watch me, I’m going to get this ni***r!’”
“What?!”
“Yes, Mom. She’s from Vancouver, and I’m furious! I can’t believe she thinks that’s okay.”
“What else did she say? And how did you respond?”
It turned out she felt entitled to use the slur since she was in her “safe space” at home, claimed to have heard others say it, and mentioned having a Black boyfriend in the past. She even tried to justify her words by stating, “you don’t even sound Black,” implying she would not have used it if she knew he was Black.
My heart ached when my son remarked, “Things will never improve if 14-year-olds talk like this.”
To all parents, educators, and advocates striving for an anti-racist society — we must actively engage with the conversations our teens are having, whether it’s through their music, social media, or the discussions with their peers. If necessary, we must intervene when we witness racism.
We need to equip our youth with the skills to confront and challenge racism and racial slurs whenever they encounter them. Many may be shocked to discover how frequently our teenagers casually use the n-word and other derogatory terms. This isn’t a recent phenomenon.
Just a few months ago, while getting coffee, I overheard four teenagers joking and enjoying pizza. Among them was one Black teen and three non-Black teens from diverse backgrounds. As I walked by, one of them nonchalantly dropped the n-word. Instinctively, I turned around and confronted them, explaining that the n-word is rooted in a painful history of oppression and is utterly unacceptable in any context—whether in front of Black individuals or not.
I urged them to never use it, not in private or public, not while listening to music, and especially not if they believe it’s “just a word.”
Then, I turned to the Black teenager, advising him not to tolerate the use of that slur in his presence and to boldly advocate for anti-racism in his community. Sadly, many young people, including Black youth, remain silent when confronted with this kind of language. Why? Because the desire to fit in often outweighs the impulse to confront racism, leading them to dismiss such comments as “just jokes.” Yet, the consequences of inaction can be profoundly damaging.
For Black youth who navigate predominantly white environments, the expectation to accept such language can be overwhelming. They may hear, “it’s cool, you’re my friend… I don’t really think of you as Black.”
So, what became of that 14-year-old Fortnite gamer from Vancouver? My son blocked her after checking her Instagram. What did we discover? Just last Tuesday, she had posted a black square with the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter.
For those advocating for anti-racism, I recommend these resources: CNN’s Sesame Street, which offers great educational content, and the Toolkit for “Straight Talk About the N-word”, which can help in discussions about this important topic. Additionally, you can find insightful information from The 1619 Project, which explores the lasting impact of slavery in America.
In summary, it’s critical to actively listen to our children and equip them to challenge racism. We must create safe spaces for open dialogues, ensuring we address the casual use of harmful language and foster an environment of respect and understanding.