I remember the early days of Facebook vividly. One evening, while dining at a restaurant in Paso Robles, I received a notification that a photo of me had been posted. To my horror, I discovered that others could tag me without my consent. The image featured me at a rooftop party in Manhattan, wearing a light summer dress and sitting in a way that left little to the imagination. I was about to eat a gigantic fried chicken drumstick, with my mouth wide open and an unflattering view of my thighs prominently displayed. Next to me sat a slender friend who looked like she had just emerged from a fashion magazine. It was not my best look.
In a panic, I scrambled to untag myself from the photo and fled the restaurant, demanding that my friend help me find a computer to delete it. Though I managed to untag myself, I couldn’t erase it from my friend’s page. That experience left me with lasting concerns about tagging and posting etiquette. I’ve since tried to establish my own rules and hope others would follow suit. During gatherings, I often declare that it’s a no-Facebook posting event, staying vigilant whenever someone pulls out their phone.
At a recent reunion with former colleagues, I was approached with, “Emily, let’s check in!” My first question was, “Does everyone’s partner know we’re out drinking right now?” It seems only polite to ensure everyone is comfortable with being included in a post or photo.
That first embarrassing photo prompted me to ponder why many of my peers feel the need to repeatedly share their images online. There’s something disheartening about the constant quest for validation through social media. I understand that young people, who grew up immersed in this culture, are more inclined to post frequently, but for us, capturing a moment used to be a cherished experience. Today, we often prioritize the perfect shot over being present in the moment. Shouldn’t everyone have a say in whether they want to participate in a photo?
I realize this perspective might alienate some friends, but the pressure to take and post photos can be overwhelming. I recently had a particularly awkward encounter with friends from Toronto who wanted to document their first trip to the Hamptons, where I live. Reluctantly, I agreed to a picture but insisted that I wouldn’t allow the photo to be posted. When I was coerced into another shot, I insisted on being cropped out before it went online. By the second night, my response to further requests was blunt: “If you take another picture of me, I’ll smash your phone, and I won’t feel guilty.” Surprisingly, this approach worked, and we had a good laugh about it later.
In general, Facebook seems to serve as a platform for showcasing lives that often appear more glamorous than they truly are. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy; not everyone has the same inclination to post or be tagged.
There must be a better way to navigate these situations. However, I’ve noticed that not everyone feels the same. During one outing, I observed a group of strangers taking selfies against a wall instead of capturing the beautiful scenery behind them. One woman expressed her discomfort multiple times, but her friends insisted on including her in the shot.
To promote a more respectful photo-sharing culture, consider the following guidelines:
- Be mindful of everyone’s feelings when posting pictures. If someone looks unflattering, it’s only fair to retake the photo so everyone feels good about it.
- Let the most photo-sensitive person decide if the shot is acceptable for sharing.
- Always ask for permission before tagging anyone. We all have our moments of discretion—let’s not expose them on social media.
- If someone prefers not to have their picture posted, respect their wishes and share it privately instead.
- Position those who dislike being photographed at the ends of group shots, so they can be easily edited out if necessary.
- Focus on enjoying the moment rather than capturing every experience to project a perfect life.
As someone who enjoys social media, I recognize that my views might seem contradictory. I like sharing my thoughts and engaging with my friends’ experiences, but I also want to ensure that my image is shared only when I approve. If you’re in a beautiful location, feel free to take pictures. If you want to post numerous selfies, go ahead. Just allow me the option to opt out when I choose, especially if it involves unflattering moments like eating fried chicken.
In summary, while social media can be a fun way to connect and share experiences, it’s important to approach photo sharing with sensitivity and consent. Everyone deserves the right to control how they are represented online.