In the world of parenting, we encounter a myriad of choices: natural childbirth, home births, epidurals, and C-sections. We navigate the waters of feeding options—breastfeeding, extended nursing, formula feeding, exclusive pumping, and everything in between. There are debates on baby-led weaning versus pureed foods, and differing views on discipline, from spanking to time-outs. Parenting styles vary widely, from free-range to helicopter approaches.
I was introduced to various parenting philosophies through books like those by Dr. Sears, What to Expect, and Bringing Up Bébé. I’ve experienced both natural births and those with epidurals. I’ve tried breastfeeding, exclusive pumping, formula feeding, and even indulged in fast food for the kids (I can already hear the judgments). I’ve given time-outs by the hundreds, and I’ve felt utterly helpless when it came to discipline, often left in tears beside my sleeping child.
I’ve absorbed the arguments, read countless blogs and books, and listened to unsolicited advice from friends, family, and even strangers. I’ve been hurt by differing opinions, allowing others’ judgments to make me question my worth as a mother and as a woman. But you know what? Their opinions no longer hold any significance for me.
I haven’t thought about those mommy wars in two years. It’s not that I’m special or enlightened, but my perspective has changed drastically. Two years ago, after a healthy pregnancy filled with organic food and nursing my older child while expecting my second, everything shifted. My second son was born with a severe congenital heart defect and after six months of battling for his life in a children’s hospital, he passed away in my arms.
The moment he was rushed away from me, the door swung open to what I now call the equalizer.
At that moment, the debates over parenting styles became irrelevant. The guilt and shame I felt about my choices vanished as I connected with other mothers in the hospital. We shared our fears, worries, and hopes over cups of coffee and in pumping rooms. Our individual parenting philosophies faded in comparison to the shared struggle we faced; we were all powerless against circumstances beyond our control.
In those moments, we met the equalizer—the realization that we are all in this together, transcending differences in beliefs or practices. We came to understand that the most crucial thing was love—just love. When faced with the stark reality that we may never see our children grow old, everything else fades away.
So, we approach each day not out of righteousness or superiority but simply because our children deserve our love and care. And when tragedy strikes, when some of our little ones leave us, the only thing that truly matters is supporting each other—lifting one another up as we navigate the depths of heartbreak, united by the profound love we have for our children.
Love is the great equalizer that binds us all, regardless of how we choose to raise our children.
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In summary, the essence of parenting transcends the choices we make; it lies in the love we have for our children and the support we offer one another through the challenges we face.