I had my heart set on a natural childbirth. We enrolled in hypnobirthing courses, consulted midwives, and I immersed myself in all the right documentaries. No early cord cutting for me! Absolutely no pitocin, epidurals, or pain relief! I was determined – I could do this!
Then, my son experienced a major setback in the womb, his heart rate plummeted, and I found myself facing an emergency C-section. I know many women undergo C-sections, and some even choose them. But I was unprepared for how deeply it would affect me. Recovering from major surgery was a whole new battle, and it was far from the ideal birth scenario I had envisioned. I wasn’t ready for the emotional turmoil that followed the birth of my first child.
In the days that followed, the flood of congratulations began. From friends without children, the remarks were simple: “Congratulations!” “Great job, Mama!” “You did it!” However, the messages from friends who already had kids struck a different chord:
- “Did you ever think you could love something so much?”
- “This love will only grow!”
- “Welcome to the wildest ride of your life!”
I couldn’t relate. Why wasn’t I feeling these overwhelming emotions? Was there something wrong with me? After such a long journey to motherhood, did I lack maternal instincts? When I gazed into my son’s eyes, I saw a tiny being who seemed indifferent to me, a little creature I was responsible for keeping content, and who, quite frankly, was wreaking havoc on my body. It left me in tears. I cried daily. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. I had always yearned for a child. Why was I not overjoyed?
Weeks passed, and gradually, the fog began to lift. I stopped crying every day and emerged from my depression. Conversations with other mothers revealed that many had similar experiences after their births. My immediate thought was, “Why didn’t anyone tell me this could happen?” I hadn’t realized that not every woman feels an instant surge of happiness upon becoming a mother. Some feel utterly overwhelmed, and that’s perfectly normal. What a revelation!
The narratives surrounding new motherhood seem to fall into two extremes: the blissfully happy maternal figure who can master a Moby Wrap and the new mom in crisis. There’s so much nuance in between these two stories, and expecting mothers should be made aware of the reality. It’s crucial to provide honest insight into what lies ahead. After all, while pregnant women may be sensitive and anxious, new moms are still navigating those emotions, now compounded by the responsibility of caring for a newborn.
Advice for Expectant Mothers
So, here’s some advice for expectant mothers:
- Go to the movies. I haven’t set foot in a theater since my son was born.
- Enjoy dinners out with your partner.
- Sleep as much as you can – aim for 18 hours a day or more if possible.
- Start applying lotion to your nipples now; breastfeeding can be tough on them.
- Treat yourself to a pedicure, manicure, or haircut.
- Have sex while you can, as it’ll be a while before that’s on the table again.
- If you happen to have a pre-pregnancy photo of your belly, cherish it, as you will soon have a little extra skin you’ll need to come to terms with.
- Watch lots of TV and consider swearing frequently; these luxuries may be limited after the baby arrives.
- Prepare for the fact that your husband may not be as eager to touch your breasts after a year of breastfeeding.
- And brace yourself: don’t expect anyone to give up their subway seat for you, so you might as well embrace the ride, even if it’s a lengthy trip to Queens.
Perhaps that’s not the best approach either. But we can certainly do better at conveying what it means to be a new mom. It’s terrifying, isolating, and also exhilarating. It’s confusing yet immensely rewarding.
To any new moms reading this, be gentle with yourself. You created a human being! You’re doing an incredible job! Did you ever think you could love something this deeply? That love will only continue to grow! Welcome to the most extraordinary journey of your life.
For more insights on navigating motherhood, you might find this post on cryobaby at home insemination kit enlightening, especially if you’re curious about the path to parenthood. Additionally, if you’re contemplating your future parenting journey, this resource on fertility insurance could prove valuable. And if you’re interested in personal stories about parenting challenges, check out this insightful piece.
In summary, the journey into motherhood is filled with highs and lows, and it’s essential to acknowledge both sides of the experience. The transition can be difficult, but it’s also a beautiful and rewarding adventure.