As dinnertime approaches, my husband is en route from work, and my young daughter is seated at her small table, a meal in front of her and a pink Amazon Fire in her hands, engrossed in an episode of Dora the Explorer. Meanwhile, I am on the couch, nursing my newborn, hoping that Dora’s antics will keep her distracted long enough for me to feed her brother.
Just then, she asks for more water. I wince, having neglected to fill her water bottle before settling in to nurse. I assure her that I will refill it once I’m done. This ignites a typical toddler tantrum. As she runs toward me, trying to pull my arm away from her nursing brother, I lose my patience and, in frustration, raise my voice, urging her to wait. The look of fear on her face and the crocodile tears that follow only amplify the guilt I feel. Not only have I let my daughter down, but I also have a crying newborn who I had to unlatch, leaving him confused and upset.
I hate to admit that this scenario occurs frequently nowadays. Balancing the needs of a newborn while managing the expectations of a toddler is daunting, and just when I feel we’re finding our rhythm, something happens to throw me off balance. These moments typically result in me snapping at my daughter or leaving my newborn unattended for a moment longer than I’d like.
With a second child, the guilt multiplies; I’m now letting down two tiny humans instead of one. The emotional burden is heavy, often leading me to tears and feelings of inadequacy in my parenting journey. And let’s not forget about our dog, who hasn’t been walked in weeks. I feel like I’m failing all three of my “babies.”
When my daughter was the age my son is now, we constantly sang songs, read books, and engaged in endless conversations. Now, I find myself so exhausted that both children may hear my voice for no more than 30 minutes throughout the day. I feel like I’m failing my daughter, who is just two years old and craves playtime rather than being told “no” at every turn. I worry that my son might experience speech delays simply because he doesn’t hear enough conversation from me and my partner.
This guilt is overwhelming; it’s a challenge I’m still learning to navigate. However, I remind myself that I chose to have more than one child. I grew up in a large family, and I’m sure my parents were even more exhausted than I am now, yet I turned out fine, right? I keep telling myself that having a sibling is beneficial for both kids; it certainly was for me. While I nurse my son, I can encourage my daughter to engage in creative activities, which might teach her patience and even spark her artistic side. And although my son may not get as much one-on-one time, watching his sister play will also be enriching for him.
I realize that they will learn to share, have patience, and compromise—skills that are invaluable throughout life. Mom guilt is real, and any mother can attest to its weight. For those of us with two or more children, it can feel especially brutal. I’m learning to take deep breaths, exercise patience with my two-year-old (after all, she’s still so young), adjust my expectations for my newborn (he will eventually sleep through the night), and forgive myself each evening. Tomorrow is another chance to improve.
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Summary:
The journey of a second-time mother can be filled with emotional challenges and guilt as she balances the needs of both a newborn and a toddler. This article reflects on the overwhelming nature of parenting two young children, the feelings of inadequacy, and the importance of patience and forgiveness in motherhood.