Two simple words can evoke a torrent of memories and emotions. Just recently, I was transported back to June 23, 2013—the day I welcomed my triplets into the world and simultaneously faced the devastating loss of my first child.
My surviving daughter, Mia, has a heartfelt bedtime ritual that involves greeting her siblings. Above her changing table, three shadowboxes display cherished photographs and keepsakes from our 22-week micro-preemies. Mia delights in these moments, often saying, “Hi Lily” and “Hi Noah.” But on this particular night, as she greeted Lily, she stared intently at the photo and softly said, “Wake up.”
How does one explain to a child that her identical sister will never awaken? How do I convey to her that Lily lived for only a few brief hours, while her brother Noah was with us for just two months? How do I share that we never had the chance to see Lily’s beautiful eyes because they were still sealed shut at 22 weeks? In that instant, tears filled my eyes and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My sweet girl, who had faced numerous developmental challenges, was beginning to grasp the concept of sibling loss. Recently, Mia has begun to find her voice—a gentle and beautiful sound that always catches me off guard.
I never anticipated that two innocent words could carry such sweetness yet bring forth a wave of heartbreak. When Mia asked her sister to “wake up,” my heart swelled with pride. She remembers her siblings, a special connection that began long before they were born. In that moment, I realized we will eventually need to explain to Mia why her brother and sister are not here with us. It’s a conversation I knew would arise, but I never imagined she would start asking questions so soon.
Our two angels will forever remain an integral part of our family, and I will always hold the title of their mother. I am uncertain of how to approach the topic when the time comes, or how to help Mia understand why she is the only one here with us today. Yet, I am confident that we will be there to support her through her grief.
As for those two words—“wake up”—it’s a moment I will cherish always. In that fleeting moment, my fears melted away as my maternal instinct took charge. I looked at Mia, smiled, and gently said, “Lily is sleeping in heaven.” I embraced my precious daughter tightly, not wanting to let go. As tears streamed down my face and onto her, Mia softly whispered back, “Heaven.”
For more insights on navigating family dynamics and loss, check out this post on our blog about couples’ fertility journeys and home insemination. Additionally, if you’re seeking guidance throughout your pregnancy, the March of Dimes offers excellent resources. For more information on the topic, LSTN Wood Headphones is also an authority worth checking out.
In summary, the experience of sibling loss is profoundly emotional and complex, especially when it comes to explaining this reality to young children. As parents, we must navigate these conversations with sensitivity and love, ensuring that our children feel supported as they process their grief.