Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: Jan. 7, 2012
When our first daughter was born 14 years ago, I was ready to embrace the challenges and joys of motherhood. I envisioned myself as the ultimate mom, standing triumphantly on the summit of motherhood, planting my victory flag and basking in unending bliss—just as soon as my little cherub decided to sleep through the night.
At that time, the other aspects of motherhood felt delightful, but the sleep deprivation was nearly unbearable. Our adorable baby had a knack for staying awake at night, and I naively believed that once she started sleeping longer stretches, everything would become easier. Eventually, she did sleep, but that was just the beginning. Soon enough, she was crawling, walking, and scooping up everything from the floor to put in her mouth at lightning speed. While our nights improved, our days became increasingly demanding. They were filled with joy, yet they were far from easy. I was convinced that motherhood would become a breeze once we navigated the toddler phase and she could communicate her needs.
We eventually reached that phase, and I felt ready to celebrate my progress. But then came the trials of potty training. “No problem,” I thought. “Once she’s trained, life will be smooth sailing.” Then I found out I was expecting our second child, and later, our third. Each new addition brought its own set of challenges, but I continued to seek those elusive “once” moments.
- Once I’m not pregnant and managing a preschooler.
- Once I’m finished breastfeeding.
- Once there’s no one in diapers.
- Once I don’t have two kids strapped into car seats.
- Once we get through the Terrible Threes.
- Once they can express their feelings.
- Once they can tidy up after themselves.
- Once they conquer their fear of the dark.
- Once they can dress themselves.
- Once they can prepare their own meals.
- Once we reach some milestone, THEN motherhood will be easier.
I recognize now that this line of thinking was unrealistic—yet I’ve always been an idealist. I embarked on a lengthy journey, searching for a perfect version of motherhood, a mythical Golden Age where all challenges would vanish, and everything would be simple.
However, after fourteen years of navigating motherhood, I’ve learned a crucial lesson—one of the most significant truths for any mother: it doesn’t necessarily get easier; it just presents different difficulties. There is no ultimate “holy grail” of motherhood.
Motherhood is often likened to climbing a mountain, but I believe it’s more akin to traversing a mountain range. There are ups and downs, peaks and valleys. If you expect to feel a sense of completion each time you reach a peak, disappointment will likely follow, as there’s always another mountain ahead, often taller than the last. This reality can be disheartening, exhausting, and, at times, overwhelming.
Yet, there comes a moment when you reach a summit and gain clarity about your journey. From this vantage point, you can see the mountains you’ve already conquered and acknowledge the hills still lying ahead. When you embrace the idea that motherhood is a continuous journey rather than a final destination, you learn to find joy and triumph in small, fleeting moments. The key is to pause at those peaks, appreciate the beautiful scenery around you, and savor those moments of joy while they last. Those fleeting moments of happiness are the true treasures of motherhood.
These days, I still hold my victory flag, but I’ve come to understand that it belongs with me—not on some distant peak. Triumph isn’t a destination; it’s something we carry with us through motherhood, one precious moment at a time.
We may begin our journey in search of the holy grail, but ultimately, we realize it has been with us all along.
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Summary:
In the journey of motherhood, the notion that challenges will eventually subside is a common misconception. Instead, as mothers navigate the ups and downs of raising children, they learn that while difficulties may change, they never fully disappear. The key to finding joy lies in appreciating the fleeting moments of triumph along the way, accepting that the journey itself is the true treasure.