Parenting
The Dreaded Dictatorship of Decluttering
by Jamie Collins
Jan. 14, 2023
Guess what I unwrapped this holiday season? You guessed it! It’s The Life-Altering Art of Decluttering: The Japanese Approach to Organizing Your Space. I’m sure a well-meaning relative, perhaps your mother-in-law, gifted it to you too, flashing that knowing smile that implies she has endless patience for your chaotic ways. But, hey, can’t we all tidy up a bit more? Nudge, nudge.
When I picked up Marie Kondo’s book, it was mostly out of curiosity. What was this “life-changing” magic? Was it an enchanting method involving tiny elves who would follow my children around, putting away their scattered toys and nagging them about the crumbs they leave behind? Because that would be a dream come true. I cracked the book open after the holidays, hoping to find the solution to our cluttered lives. We could all use a little more space, especially at the start of a new year.
Initially, Kondo’s ideas resonated with me. According to her KonMari Method, every item in your home deserves a designated spot. We all need fewer belongings. Clear it out—check. I began envisioning garbage bags filled with old birthday party favors making their way to the curb. But soon, things got a bit peculiar, like that eccentric relative who can’t stop talking about their crystal collection.
I attempted to stick with her philosophy, but when I reached the part where she suggests taking your shampoo and soap in and out of the shower each time, drying them off and thanking them for their service, I lost it. Who has time for that? Who?! It became painfully clear that Kondo lives in an alternate reality, far removed from the one I and every parent I know inhabit. Here are a few of her suggestions that might come off as charmingly absurd or outright crazy—you decide:
- Socks should never be folded over and crammed together. It tires them out. They deserve a little relaxation in the drawer after carrying the weight of your feet all day.
- Off-season clothes shouldn’t be stored away. They need love and will feel neglected if tucked away for months.
- You must empty your handbag every time you return home, sorting everything into a designated box and repacking it before leaving again.
Seriously? I understand that Kondo may live alone, and perhaps Japanese children are more organized than their American counterparts, but do I really need the added pressure of treating my belongings like cherished friends? Absolutely not. The daily challenge of caring for the people in my life is exhausting enough. The idea that my possessions could have expectations of me—heavy, judgmental expectations—is overwhelming. I have a 3-year-old who believes she already owns all my time, so my leather boots are going to have to wait their turn.
Kondo repeatedly emphasizes that the best way to determine what to keep is to hold each item in your hands, close your eyes, and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?” If it makes your heart leap, you keep it; otherwise, it goes in the trash. This method has its flaws. If I applied it, all my toilet paper and at least one child would end up on the curb—and we all know how that would turn out.
So, I propose that Kondo should try my methods for discovering what sparks joy and see how it goes for her:
- Comfort a child covered in vomit from a midnight flu episode under a warm shower. Then explain why they have to go to school tomorrow smelling like sick because you didn’t have a spare hand to grab the soap.
- Explain to your husband why you tossed his vintage magazine collection in the trash, emphasizing that they didn’t spark any joy for you—like, not even a little.
- Attempt to gather all the essentials for your handbag when your toddler has decided they belong with her “treasures” and you’re already late for work. Good luck finding whatever she’s done with that stuff.
If Kondo can spend a day navigating the chaos of tidying up in my household and still find a spark of joy, good for her. I eagerly await her next bestseller, The Art of Convincing Your Kids to Stop Leaving Their Clothes on the Floor. Now that would bring me a lot of joy.
If you’re curious about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource for infertility matters: Mount Sinai Infertility Resources. For more insights on donor arrangements, visit Intracervical Insemination. And if you’re exploring home insemination options, don’t miss our post about this home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo!
In summary, while the quest for tidiness can often feel oppressive, it’s essential to find a balance that works for you and your family. Embracing the chaos can sometimes be more rewarding than striving for an unattainable level of perfection.