Dear Diary,
Hooray! School’s out for my kids, and summer is officially upon us. Ten glorious weeks free from alarms, homework crises, and the frantic dash to catch the bus while holding a forgotten lunch box, all while wearing a questionable bathrobe and navigating the world with a layer of unshaven legs.
This summer, we’re going retro — no screens, no gadgets, just me, my kids, and a minivan ready for adventure. After weeks of meticulous planning and scouring Pinterest for innovative ideas, I thought I had the perfect summer lined up.
Inspired by Pinterest, I decided to keep a summer journal; after all, these fleeting moments with my little ones are precious. Curiously, I seem to have wiped my previous summers from memory — much like how one forgets the seconds before a car crash or the last moments before facing a fictional horror villain.
Week 1
We kicked things off at the zoo, joining the throngs of other families searching for the ultimate summer experience. We shuffled in from the parking lot like a herd of cattle, wedged ourselves in the gift shop (the only place with A/C), and emerged into a chaotic blend of animal smells and blazing sun.
“What a fantastic day for the zoo!” I declared a bit too cheerily to a fellow parent. “I am so thrilled summer is finally here!”
“Right?” she responded, her smile slightly forced, as if she was trying to convince herself, too.
Week 2
Out of 90 Pinterest ideas, my children dismissed nearly all of them. I was taken aback. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to create a West Side Story puppet show, have a foot massage chain, or embark on a tour of the local light bulb factory? My kids must have a different definition of fun. Time to rethink our plans.
Week 3
I’ve officially exhausted all my Pinterest resources. Thus, I decided to lift my ban on electronics. It’s just… I need a moment of peace to gather my thoughts, and let’s be honest, the screens provide a necessary break from the endless squabbling. It’s like they take pleasure in testing my sanity! Plus, I picked up smoking. Thank goodness we’re off on a trip next week!
Week 4
The term “vacation” took on a whole new meaning with kids. Really, it’s a misnomer. Traveling with little ones should be called a “trip,” “chaos,” or “Honey, since I did all the planning, shopping, and packing, can you please get off your beach chair long enough to help me put up this umbrella? No, I’m not hormonal; stop saying that!”
Week 5
My children have formed an alliance against me. It’s a competition now to see how they can push my buttons. Their tactics include whining about boredom while rejecting every single idea I propose, standing in front of a fully stocked fridge complaining about food options, and yelling, “Mommy’s in the bathroom!” out the window to passing neighbors.
Week 6
Eureka! I had a brilliant idea: two weeks of sleepaway camp! I adored it as a child. But, alas, all the good camps were booked at this point in summer, so I settled for the only one left — a circus camp. At least I think it was a camp; the kids had to fill out W-2s before they could start grooming the yak lady.
Week 7
I miss my kids — two weeks felt too long! What was I thinking? Summer isn’t that bad after all!
Week 8
Why do my children suddenly resemble little demons? When I was young, my mom would drive my sisters and me to our morning swim lessons, hand us a dollar for snacks, and leave us to fend for ourselves until pick-up at 6. If we attempted to call her before then, she’d just say, “Is there blood? No? Then I’ll be there at 6,” and hang up. I used to think she was insane; now I see she deserves a medal.
Week 9
stares blankly at calendar
Week 10
I made it! This week, I took the kids back-to-school shopping, and I felt like it was Christmas morning. Parents flooded into stores, relieved and slightly hunched, grinning as we compared prices on notebooks. I spotted the woman from the zoo.
“We did it,” she said, her eyes brimming with tears as she shook my shoulders gently. “We survived.”
“I know,” I replied, wiping my own tears. “Want to come over next week for a West Side Story puppet show? I have everything we need.”
In summary, what began as a meticulously planned summer quickly devolved into chaos, frustrations, and unexpected moments of joy. As I look back, I realize that despite the challenges, it’s these messy times that make for unforgettable memories.
For more insights on parenting and summer activities, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and consider some ideas from the ultimate toddler daily routine to help structure your days. Also, if you’re looking to boost your fertility, you can find helpful information in our post about fertility boosters for men.