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The Detriment of Comparing Our Pain
by Jamie Thompson
Updated: May 29, 2023
Originally Published: May 29, 2023
In these uncertain times, most people I know are grappling with feelings of unease and discomfort. The impact of the ongoing pandemic is being felt in various ways—physically, emotionally, financially, or even a combination of these. What began as a temporary isolation has stretched indefinitely, leaving many of us in a state of abnormality.
This situation is undoubtedly challenging. I long for the days when life was free from the fears of a new, sometimes deadly virus overwhelming our healthcare system or putting loved ones at risk.
While understanding that others may be facing greater hardships can occasionally provide perspective, it doesn’t ease my own distress. The world is heavy with grief and collective sorrow, adding weight to my own feelings. I find myself empathizing deeply with others, and at times, even feeling guilt for my own relatively fortunate situation.
Yet, this is our current reality. COVID-19 is here, and we must navigate this pandemic until circumstances change. Almost everyone is enduring some form of struggle.
When we start measuring our pain against others, let’s remember that comparative suffering offers no benefits. Each person’s challenges are valid, regardless of how they stack up against someone else’s.
For instance, I recently expressed how I missed my sister because the pandemic prevented her from visiting for a family gathering. We haven’t been together in nearly six months, and the uncertainty looms large. While it’s essential to acknowledge how fortunate I am that she is healthy, it doesn’t negate my sadness about our separation.
One commenter responded with, “Why are you upset? Talk to me when you can’t see your sister ever again.” Such remarks are dismissive and unnecessary! Yes, I would be devastated if I lost her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel a sense of loss about our time apart.
It’s possible to feel sad without needing to be the saddest. Emotions don’t have to be an all-or-nothing scenario. Feeling “a little blue” is completely valid.
There is enough pain to go around; it’s not a competition. Most of us are resilient individuals simply trying to survive this unprecedented period.
You are not obligated to downplay your own sadness or anxiety by reminding yourself that “it could be worse.” Yes, there are scenarios that might feel more distressing, but that doesn’t discount your current feelings. Your emotions are real and valid, regardless of the context.
You have every right to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even angry. Living through a global crisis like this is unprecedented, and it’s perfectly normal to feel burdened by it.
Interestingly, we rarely diminish our positive feelings. You wouldn’t hear someone say, “I’m so happy right now, but I know I shouldn’t be because others are happier.” We recognize that joy is subjective and varies from person to person. The same should apply to our pain.
It’s essential to feel the full impact of whatever challenges life throws your way without measuring it against someone else’s struggles.
Of course, it’s crucial to be mindful of the situation around you. I wouldn’t approach someone mourning a loved one lost to the virus and complain about my own feelings of loneliness. That would show a lack of awareness and empathy. However, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t express my feelings among friends or loved ones who can empathize.
While it’s vital to acknowledge how fortunate you are in certain aspects, it’s equally important to recognize and express your own discomfort. You can be grateful for the positives in your life while still feeling weighed down by the current situation.
Your feelings are significant. Even if you can think of worse scenarios, it’s okay to feel like your situation is challenging. It’s crucial to admit your pain and seek needed support. Comparative suffering benefits no one, and it’s time to put that competition to rest.
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In summary, our individual experiences of pain and discomfort are valid and deserve acknowledgment. Instead of comparing struggles, let’s support one another and recognize that everyone’s journey is unique.