It was a quiet evening on the couch, just my 18-year-old daughter and I, flipping through channels on the TV when I suddenly decided to ask a question that had been on my mind for a while. With her heading off to college soon, I found myself craving some form of affirmation after nearly two decades of parenting. Though I knew the question could elicit a sarcastic response, I felt compelled to ask anyway.
I took her hand, looked her straight in the eye, and asked, “Did you have a happy childhood?”
“What? Are you serious, Mom? That’s a weird question!” she exclaimed, a grin spreading across her face.
“I just need to know,” I replied, feeling a mix of hope and anxiety.
“Honestly, don’t even think about it. Of course, I had a happy childhood! It was the best! But why ask me this now? Why do you doubt yourself?” she responded, her tone both lighthearted and sincere.
She was spot on. Why was I bringing this up now? It was because I finally believed she could give me a candid answer. Young children can’t articulate their feelings about parenting, and tweens are likely to roll their eyes and walk away. But a young adult on the brink of independence? They’re often honest and straightforward.
I genuinely believed her words, yet I was taken aback by her assertion that I shouldn’t doubt my abilities. After all, she had lived in our home for 18 years and witnessed countless moments of my struggles as a parent. She had seen my meltdowns, my frustrations with her younger siblings, and the sleepless nights filled with worry. Being the oldest, she was our first attempt at parenting; every decision we made was untested.
Despite all the ups and downs, here she was: a bright, funny, and well-adjusted young woman preparing for college, telling me I had succeeded in motherhood when I often felt like a failure.
“Mom?” she said, “Did you hear my answer? You did great.”
Instead of explaining my doubts or the reasons behind my question, I took a moment to absorb her words. They washed away nearly two decades of uncertainty, replacing it with a sense of validation: “You did great, Mom.”
That day—a day of recognition and appreciation—will come for every parent. But don’t wait 18 years to feel it. Even if your children don’t express their gratitude, take a look at the incredible individuals they are becoming and trust that you are indeed doing a wonderful job.
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Summary
The journey of parenting often leaves us seeking validation for our efforts, especially from our children. A heartfelt conversation with my daughter just before she leaves for college provided the affirmation I had longed for, reminding me that our efforts, though often doubted, truly contribute to raising happy, well-adjusted individuals.