What occurred when I utilized parenting strategies on myself.
By Jenna Brooks
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: March 9, 2022
Getty / PBS / Home Insemination Kit
A few days ago, after juggling work tasks, preparing dinner, picking up the same socks for the third time in one day, and witnessing the lovingly made spaghetti being flung around the dining room table, I found myself humming a tune I first heard on “Tommy Tigger’s Neighborhood.” The main character of the PBS Kids show often navigates his fears and frustrations through catchy songs; one in particular has a jazzy rhythm and goes, “When you’re feeling mad and want to roar, just take a deep breath, and count to four, 1, 2, 3, 4.”
I’m not sure what prompted me to start singing this particular song, aside from the fact that we had recently watched that episode. In a moment of high frustration, it was the first thing that sprang to mind. Though it felt odd to sing a children’s song to myself, it surprisingly calmed me down immediately.
As I reflected on my reactions during stressful moments, I realized I was adopting several of the techniques I’ve been trying to teach my kids to help them manage their feelings. Typically, when my 5-year-old son becomes upset, we practice various strategies inspired by books, podcasts, or online parenting groups. I aim to explain these techniques to him when he’s calm, but it turns out I’m the one learning those lessons.
Implementing these frustration management techniques has significantly improved my mental health, self-care, and emotional regulation. Here’s how.
I’ve Gained Insight About Myself
Understanding what triggers my frustration hasn’t been an easy journey. I tend to fall into the “people-pleasing” category, but raising children forces me to confront all my emotions. In those moments when I feel overwhelmed, I’m compelled to pay closer attention to what my kids are doing and what specifically bothers me. For instance, one evening I lost my temper after repeating my request for my boys to hop into the bathtub for the fourth time. I learned that I struggle when I feel ignored and that I require a brief cooldown period after the hectic dinner routine. Recognizing these triggers provides valuable lessons about myself and how both children and adults can impact my emotional state.
Deep Breathing Helps Regulate My Mood
Many frustration management techniques revolve around the principles of deep breathing, taking breaks to calm down, and stepping back from the situation. It seems so simple that I can’t believe I haven’t been doing it more consistently. Whether I’m in a difficult discussion with a coworker or just having a challenging day, taking a moment to step away clears my mind. (As the song reminds us: “When you’re feeling mad and want to roar, just take a deep breath, and count to four…”) I’ve started taking midday walks and disconnecting from my phone to engage in some deep thinking. I’ve realized that when I overlook these moments for self-care, my effectiveness diminishes, and my patience runs thin.
Embracing Frustration Enhances My Emotional Intelligence
As parents, we often strive to shield our children from negative feelings, but that’s not always beneficial. Life includes challenges, and we cannot protect our children from all pain and frustration—this article serves as just one example. Experiencing frustration in childhood and learning to navigate it builds resilience for emotional growth. Managing uncomfortable situations is part of adulthood, and learning to handle all my emotions—both positive and negative—has equipped me to face various challenges differently.
Boundaries Are Essential
The term “boundaries” is frequently discussed online, and for good reason. Children with low frustration tolerance need clear boundaries to grasp that limits are a natural aspect of life. Many of the times I feel frustrated stem from being told “no,” “wait,” or when life gently nudges me to slow down. As parents, we must also respect and establish boundaries in our lives while allowing our children to teach us this crucial lesson.
Ultimately, I’m discovering just as much from my children as they are from me, and it’s been an enlightening journey. The next time I find myself singing Tommy Tigger and breathing deeply to regain my composure, I’ll recognize that I’m setting a positive example for my boys while also nurturing my own growth as a mother.
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Summary
In a moment of frustration, I turned to a children’s song from “Tommy Tigger,” which surprisingly helped me manage my emotions better. By applying frustration tolerance techniques that I normally teach my kids, I learned more about myself, the importance of deep breathing, and the need for boundaries. This journey has shown me that parenting is a two-way street, and I’m growing alongside my children.