I’ve always been a chatterbox. Even as a toddler, my words flowed freely, and I can’t imagine a day when I won’t have something to say. With degrees in English and counseling, I once prided myself on being a good listener. However, since becoming a parent to two energetic kids, my ability to listen has faced some serious competition from distractions.
When it comes to raising my children, I’ve realized one undeniable truth: I never stop talking. I’m constantly offering unsolicited advice on everything from their meals to their outfits, and even their playtime activities. But one day, I had an epiphany: How can I expect my kids to grow into independent adults if I’m always hovering over them with my endless guidance? This prompted me to try a new approach—one that involved keeping my mouth shut.
On a trip to a local children’s museum, I found myself among groups of exuberant 10-year-olds on a school field trip, their energy infectious. While they enjoyed the big bubble area and sandbox, my nearly 3-year-old son and I settled at a craft table. It was a creative wonderland filled with paper, scissors, glue, and all sorts of textures. The children had the freedom to craft whatever their imaginations could conjure.
As I watched my son rummage through the supplies—magazine clippings, felt, glue, and ribbons—I felt an overwhelming urge to step in. My internal dialogue was relentless:
- “Be cautious with those scissors.”
- “This is how you should do it.”
- “That’s too much glue!”
- “Wipe off the glue from your shirt!”
- “A crayon won’t work on that material; use a marker instead.”
The list could go on and on. Yes, I admit, I’m that kind of parent.
After only 30 minutes, I had hundreds of thoughts swirling in my head, but I consciously chose to hold my tongue. I let my son take charge, allowing him to create his own masterpiece without my interference. I had no idea what he was making, but it was uniquely his.
Throughout the rest of the day, I committed to keeping my mouth closed. Here’s what I discovered:
- Unless my child is attempting to leap off a high slide, the likelihood of injury is minimal.
- They are perfectly capable of cleaning up their messes and correcting their mistakes.
- They thrive creatively when I step back and allow them to explore.
- My kids can at least attempt to resolve conflicts (like sibling squabbles), and surprisingly, it often doesn’t end in chaos.
I’m now on a journey to embrace silence and to let my children take the lead in their own lives. I’m not sure how I became the nagging type of mom, but it’s understandable that my kids tune me out—they hear my voice all day long!
I hope that with time, this practice of restraint will become second nature. Until then, I’ll do my best to lock away my thoughts when I feel the urge to correct them. In doing so, my kids will learn independence, and hopefully, they’ll actually listen when I do have something important to say.
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In summary, learning to embrace silence in parenting has opened my eyes to the importance of allowing my children to explore their independence. By stepping back, I not only foster their creativity but also give them the space to grow. Hopefully, over time, this newfound practice will benefit us all.