The most impactful decision I made today was to tune out my son.
Yes, it’s a fact that at just two years old, he can’t prepare his own meals, dress himself, or even use the bathroom independently. While I am undoubtedly his primary caregiver, I made the conscious choice to step back today.
Before you judge me as a neglectful parent or a lazy caregiver, let me clarify that I was only a short distance away, in another room, when I chose to ignore him.
Like many days, my little one was craving my attention. The feeling of being so needed can be exhilarating, but after countless demands, it quickly becomes overwhelming. By mid-morning, I realized my energy had evaporated somewhere between the puzzles and the building blocks, and all I wanted was a moment of peace.
Frustration began to creep in, evident in my tone and the exasperated sighs I let escape. I found myself resorting to the usual responses: “Just a minute,” “You have plenty of toys,” “I’ll be done soon,” and “You need to be patient.” Of course, my son ignored these reassurances, continuing to tug at my sleeve. Guilt washed over me. Was I really that awful of a mother? Did he hear, “I don’t want to spend time with you” or “You’re not important to me”?
I thought that by now, with three kids under my belt, I would have parenting all figured out. Yet, my youngest challenges me more than ever. Like any devoted parent, I strive for my children to feel loved and joyful. However, I’ve come to understand that it’s not my responsibility to manufacture their happiness. Joy needs to be cultivated from within, and grasping this concept can lead to a more fulfilling family life.
With this in mind, I took a moment to truly listen to my toddler. Despite his persistent pleas of “Mommy, play with me,” I recognized that he was actually asking for me to entertain him. As a third child with two older siblings, he’s accustomed to just joining the fun, never needing to take the lead.
After spending some quality time playing his favorite games, I resolved to ignore him. I calmly reiterated that I had a task to finish and suggested he either lend a hand or find something to play with on his own.
Then something remarkable occurred; my heart swelled with joy. It wasn’t just the fact that he immersed himself in a game of make-believe after just five minutes of solitude. It was the peaceful expression on his face—a genuine smile that radiated from within. He had discovered happiness all by himself.
Perhaps I’m not the terrible mother I feared I was after all.
In conclusion, sometimes stepping back can foster independence and joy in our children, reminding us that we don’t have to be their sole source of happiness.
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