I live with bipolar disorder type 2, a condition that can make my mind feel like it’s in chaos at times. When I was younger, the signs of my illness manifested as intense anxiety and deep sadness. I was the child who would bite her nails until they bled before a test, or sob for no apparent reason, convinced that I had no friends—until eventually, that became true.
Support was scarce, and what little I received often came in the form of what we now recognize as “toxic positivity.” According to Psychology Today, toxic positivity promotes the notion that one should only focus on positive thoughts, dismissing any emotions that might be deemed negative. Whitney Thompson, a therapist renowned for her expertise in trauma, recently shared insights on how to replace these harmful phrases with more empathetic alternatives.
As a child, I often heard phrases like, “You’ll get through this!” or “At least things aren’t worse!” Those words didn’t heal my mental struggles; they made them worse. Ignoring negative emotions doesn’t diminish their significance. In fact, as Psychology Today points out, when these feelings are pushed aside, they only grow larger and more overwhelming.
For someone grappling with mental health issues, these platitudes can foster feelings of isolation and guilt. Others seem to move on easily; why can’t you? Children don’t have the cognitive tools to process this disparity, but adults should know better. It’s often adults who unintentionally perpetuate harm through their well-meaning but misguided advice.
Mental illness inherently disrupts one’s ability to think rationally about their situation. While techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy can help some individuals recognize and challenge unhealthy thoughts, it’s not a universal solution. For many, especially those with conditions like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, it can be much more complex. Telling someone battling anxiety to simply adopt a “good vibes only” mindset does nothing but amplify their feelings of inadequacy.
Toxic positivity can worsen the cycle of blame and shame that often accompanies mental health struggles. When we tell others to just “think positively,” we imply that they have the power to change their situation if they just tried harder. This framing can lead to the false conclusion that those of us with mental health issues are at fault for our conditions, while those who do not struggle are somehow superior. That’s deeply unfair.
Instead, Thompson suggests reframing our responses. Rather than saying, “Just be positive!” we could acknowledge the reality of their struggle with phrases like, “I understand that this is tough. You’ve overcome challenges before, and I believe in you.” This approach validates their feelings and offers a glimmer of hope without placing undue pressure on them.
Another common phrase that can be particularly damaging is, “Everything happens for a reason.” This notion implies that life is fair and that we should accept our suffering as part of a larger cosmic plan. However, for many with mental health issues, such statements can feel dismissive and invalidating. A more compassionate approach might be to acknowledge that life doesn’t always make sense and that it’s okay to feel lost.
And please, do not say to someone, “Just get over it.” It’s not that simple. Mental health challenges are not something one can simply will away. Instead, offer support that acknowledges their struggles and encourages resilience, like, “This is hard. You’ve faced challenges before, and I have faith in your strength.”
We recognize that you mean well, but your good intentions may not be helping. If you genuinely wish to support someone dealing with mental illness, consider reviewing Thompson’s suggestions and incorporating them into your conversations. By eliminating phrases that inadvertently blame and shame, we can create an environment where healing is possible.
In this space, as Thompson aptly puts it, “All vibes are welcome.”
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Summary:
Toxic positivity can be detrimental to those struggling with mental health challenges, as it often leads to feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Instead of promoting a mindset of only positive thoughts, we should validate the experiences of those suffering and encourage understanding and support. Compassionate communication can help break the cycle of blame and shame, fostering a more supportive environment for healing.