As parents, the language we use with our children holds immense significance. From whimsical tales of a jolly man in a red suit sliding down chimneys to deliver gifts, we wield a powerful influence. With this power comes the duty to choose our words carefully, as even a casual remark can leave a lasting imprint on how our children perceive themselves and their surroundings.
As a mother of three young girls and someone who once walked the path of childhood, I have witnessed firsthand how comments from adults—both family and others—shaped my own beliefs. It took years of experience to muster the courage to challenge these notions, and now I aim to give my daughters a head start on this journey.
We live in different times, and our dialogue with young girls must adapt accordingly.
- If a boy is unkind to you, he must have a crush.
While this idea might seem harmless, it establishes an early belief that boys express affection through negative behavior, and girls should simply accept this. When my six-year-old came home upset about a boy’s meanness, my initial reaction was to suggest he had a crush. However, I paused, recognizing that I want her to understand that disrespectful actions should never be framed as affection. Instead, I reassured her that it’s important to stand up for herself and that no one deserves to be treated poorly. - Act more like a lady.
This phrase often implies that girls must adhere to a higher standard of behavior than boys, unfairly placing the burden of responsibility on them. Phrases like “boys will be boys” can lead to the notion that girls should modify their behavior to accommodate others. My daughters should be free to express themselves as children without feeling the need to conform to outdated societal expectations. Everyone should be accountable for their actions, regardless of gender. - Linking eating and exercise to body size.
This issue is particularly challenging, as societal messages about body image can seep in despite our best efforts. Even when my parents avoided such comments, external influences from media still reached me. To counter this, I focus on how foods affect our well-being rather than our appearance. I explain that certain foods can boost our energy or make us feel good, emphasizing health over looks. When my daughters ask why I exercise, I explain that I do it to feel strong and energetic, not to fit a societal mold. - If someone hurts you, I’ll take care of them.
While this statement may seem protective, it can create a barrier for girls when it comes to speaking out about their experiences. Many victims of abuse have expressed fear of reporting incidents due to concerns about their loved ones’ reactions. Instead, I want my daughters to know that if they ever face harm, I will believe and support them without judgment. - That’s a boy/girl thing.
When my four-year-old requested a bike with Chase from Paw Patrol, my instinct was to choose the pink version. However, I realized she wanted what resonated with her. She loves taking charge and connecting with characters that reflect that. By supporting her choices, I encourage her to challenge traditional gender norms.
Many of these phrases stem from love and tradition, yet they are rooted in an era when women were often viewed as secondary to men. However, it’s crucial that our communication reflects the progress we’ve made towards equality. While I can’t control all the messages my daughters encounter, I can ensure that they hear empowering affirmations at home, where it matters most.
If you’re interested in a deeper dive into topics surrounding home insemination and parenting, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on the Cryobaby kit. For expert insights, visit Kindbody’s blog and see how Makeamom is supporting mamas in their journeys.
In summary, we must evolve the way we communicate with our daughters, encouraging them to be strong, independent, and true to themselves. By challenging outdated norms and reframing our words, we can provide a supportive environment that empowers them to navigate the world confidently.