“She cried when they announced the birth of daughters, knowing that being female meant a life filled with humble struggles.” – Adapted from Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Every time I come across that passage, I find myself thinking, “That’s nonsense.” There is nothing humble about being a woman. Women are fierce, resilient, and capable of achieving anything that men can. My upbringing instilled this belief in my sister and me, and we both chose partners who share this conviction. In my experience, being a woman today is no more daunting than being a man. This may have been true in the past, perhaps in early 20th-century Brooklyn, but not in my world. There is nothing to dread in having daughters today.
Yet, when the ultrasound technician announced, “It’s a girl,” and I joyfully exclaimed, “I knew it!” a small voice in the back of my mind whispered an unexpected “oh.” This simple “oh” carried the weight of the universe, a reminder that I was bringing another girl into a world still fraught with challenges. Despite the progress we’ve made in equality and feminism, I realized that my daughter, destined to be a woman, would still face the burdens associated with being female. The thought of raising two daughters fills me with both pride and concern.
The truth is, we live in a society where misogyny persists. Many men harbor disdain for women, viewing them as objects to possess and control, and yes, this reality exists even in America. My daughters will encounter relentless messages about their appearances, which can erode even the most robust confidence, leading to self-doubt or worse. Although we reside in a city that champions equality more than others, overt sexism still rears its ugly head frequently.
A dear friend once shared a poignant quote: “From the moment your child is born, a piece of your heart exists outside your body indefinitely.” Now, I’ll have another daughter, and I can’t help but think that if my husband and I do our job well, perhaps our girls will learn to shield themselves from negativity, grow into strong adults, find respectful partners, and if they have daughters of their own, they might carry a little less anxiety than I do.
Still, as I navigate the toy aisles at Target, I am baffled by the color-coded separation of toys: pink for girls and blue for boys. I hesitated to reveal my first child’s gender due to the overwhelming presence of stereotypical pink clothing and “Daddy’s Little Princess” slogans. When strangers compliment my daughter’s beauty, I instinctively add, “and smart and strong.” She is undeniably beautiful—so much so that it sometimes takes my breath away. I want her to recognize her beauty and develop the confidence to confront the negative stereotypes about women. However, I fear she might grow up believing that her worth is tied solely to her appearance.
So now, we prepare for two daughters. My husband and I, along with our friends and family, will strive to create a nurturing environment that emphasizes their ability to pursue anything they desire. We’ll share stories of strong women, encourage them in math and science, and provide opportunities for exploration—whether that’s playing with dolls or trucks, creating art, climbing trees, or simply discovering what sparks their interest. We’ll teach them to love whomever they choose, as long as that person treats them with kindness. The only princesses we expect them to be are warrior princesses. Daily affirmations of their beauty, intelligence, and strength will be our mantra. We will do our utmost to help them rise after setbacks, to dispel shadows of self-doubt, and hopefully, they will grow up believing in themselves and recognizing their equality.
And yet, I find myself worrying. A part of my heart now exists outside my body, and in five months, another piece will join it. I am concerned for my girls, for the women they will become, and this weight is heavy on my heart—the challenging journey of womanhood.
Summary
In this reflection on womanhood, the author grapples with the complexities of raising daughters in a world still marred by sexism and societal pressures. Despite believing in their strength and potential, she worries about the messages her girls will face and strives to create a supportive environment that fosters confidence and resilience.