As in vitro fertilization (IVF) captures more attention in the media, particularly with celebrities like the Kardashians discussing it, I often encounter well-meaning individuals who pose the question, “Why not just adopt?” This query tends to come from people who have little to no experience with infertility issues.
Couples facing infertility often find themselves inundated with unsolicited opinions and advice. Throughout the years that my partner and I navigated our own struggles with infertility, I lost count of how many times someone casually suggested adoption as if it were a simple fix for our complex situation.
Adoption is indeed a beautiful option and can lead to fulfilling parenthood for many. However, it’s crucial to refrain from making this suggestion to those grappling with the challenges of conception. Here’s why:
- It’s Personal! Your financial contributions, emotional involvement, or day-to-day parenting are non-existent in someone else’s journey. Thus, your opinion on their reproductive choices holds no weight.
- There Are Many Paths to Parenthood. Adoption is just one of several options. Other methods, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, and surrogacy, provide alternative routes for those facing infertility. The existence of these options means that a diagnosis of infertility doesn’t signify the end of the road.
- Adoption Isn’t a Walk in the Park! Contrary to the belief that it’s an easy solution, adoption can be a lengthy, complex, and expensive process. The average cost of domestic adoption through an agency can range between $20,000 and $40,000, encompassing various fees and requirements. Moreover, the wait for placement can stretch to over 14 months, with many hopeful parents waiting much longer.
- Why Not Explore All Options? There’s nothing wrong with attempting IUI or IVF first, especially if one is willing and financially able. Exploring medical avenues does not negate the possibility of adoption later.
- Adoption Doesn’t Erase the Pain of Infertility. While you may love an adopted child as much as a biological one, the emotional scars of infertility remain. It’s not a matter of simply “getting over it”; the experience leaves a lasting impact.
- Adoption Isn’t Just for Infertile Couples. No one suggests “just adopt!” to couples who are easily conceiving. The desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth is a natural human inclination, and pursuing fertility treatments is not selfish.
- Not Everyone Wants to Adopt. While many view adoption as a wonderful path to parenthood, it’s not for everyone. This personal choice deserves respect, irrespective of differing opinions.
- Avoid Misguided Statements. Comments like “maybe you’re not meant to have children” or “this is God’s way of saying you should adopt” are not only insensitive but also unhelpful. Individuals facing infertility require empathy, not harsh judgments.
- Experience Matters. Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, it’s easy to misunderstand their situation. Real-life experiences differ greatly from theoretical opinions.
- Decision-Making Is Complex. Recognize that the individuals involved will choose what’s best for them. Their healthcare professionals are the experts in their personal circumstances.
After considerable deliberation, my partner and I opted to try fertility treatments first. Our path included extensive research, consultations with specialists, and discussions with adoption agencies. Ultimately, our efforts resulted in a healthy pregnancy, and we welcomed our daughter in January 2011.
We faced some negativity from those who tried to impose their beliefs on us, but we chose to follow what felt right for us. While I hope to become a foster parent one day, we have never regretted our decision.
Every family has its unique story shaped by love, and if you find yourself in a similar situation, trust your instincts. If you are not personally experiencing these challenges, remember to approach the topic with kindness and understanding.
For those interested in more information on home insemination, this link offers valuable insights. Additionally, this resource provides comprehensive information on related topics. If you’re looking for a thorough understanding of artificial insemination, this Wikipedia page is an excellent reference.
Summary:
The question of why not adopt when faced with infertility is often unhelpful and oversimplifies a complex emotional journey. Adoption is a valid path to parenthood, but it is not the only one, nor is it necessarily an easier solution. Each couple’s journey to parenthood is deeply personal and should be respected without unsolicited advice.