Parenting
By: Lisa Tran
Updated: August 17, 2015; Originally Published: May 25, 2015
It was move-in day in my college town, and parents from far and wide were arriving to collect their kids for the summer. Cube vans filled the streets, and eateries bustled with families treating their students to a proper meal before they departed.
I stepped into a local bakery to grab some cookies—definitely not for myself, of course. As I attempted to reassure the cashier of this fact, I said, “I’m such a great mom for getting my kids cookies.”
She beamed back at me, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Are you moving your child off campus?”
I blinked in disbelief. Did she really think I looked old enough to have children in college? With no option but to leave, I hurried to my car and peered into the rearview mirror. The reflection was limited and my face was close, but I pondered: I was dressed well, my hair looked decent, and I’d moisturized that morning. Surely I didn’t appear that old. Wait a minute—was that a new wrinkle?
Just a few years back, I worked at the university, and walking among the students felt familiar. It hadn’t been long since I was one of them, blending in with the co-eds. I told my husband, “I’m totally hip and cool. I can pass for a student.” (And yes, I’m aware that saying I’m cool likely proves otherwise.)
My husband was less than kind: “You’re living in a fantasy.”
Residing in a college town presents a series of contradictions. On one hand, being surrounded by young people offers a glimpse into their vibrant energy. College students set the trends, keeping you in the loop about the latest music, fashion, and smartphone apps. It feels exhilarating to be on the cutting edge. But as autumn rolls around, fresh faces emerge—faces that seem to be getting younger each year. Many of them still sport braces!
Ironically, while the students seem to age backward, I remain unchanged—or at least, I’d like to believe so. My degree serves as a reminder that I can’t be that far removed from the student life. But physical proximity can create a delusion that one is still in the game. You keep up with what’s trendy, you appear current, and you feel as if you haven’t aged a day.
Until a cashier thinks you’re their mom.
Next fall, one of our friends’ children will be heading off to college. How did our friends’ kids become that old? Sure, they started their families before many of us were settled into serious relationships, let alone marriage. Still, it feels surreal. Didn’t we just toss our caps in the air?
My kids may still be young, yet we are at the stage where their departure to college feels closer than our own graduation. We’re friends with professors now—the very people who used to join us for drinks at the campus pub, now lecturing and crafting syllabi.
This realization brings a significant cognitive dissonance (a term I learned back in school). The challenge of reconciling my age with how youthful I feel is not something typically taught. Ironically, the only way to grasp this lesson is through time and perhaps the occasional harsh light of reality.
I’ve often contemplated returning to school myself. In what could be perceived as the ultimate form of helicopter parenting disguised as self-improvement, I think about enrolling in classes when my kids do. Maybe we could share classes, stroll across campus together, and even grab lunch. I bet they’d enjoy that. After all, I’m still “hip” and “cool”, right? Or at least I can bring cookies to share.
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In summary, living in a college town can create an amusing yet disorienting blend of nostalgia and reality. As parents, we find ourselves at a crossroads of youth and maturity, often feeling closer to students than we are to our own age. The challenge is embracing this shift while finding joy in the journey.