Over ten years ago, I made the move from sunny California to the lush landscapes of the Pacific Northwest for my college education. I never anticipated that this journey would lead me to meet my partner, marry, and eventually start a family in this new place. While life here has been rewarding, the distance from my parents brings a unique set of challenges that I find incredibly difficult.
Fortunately, my in-laws live nearby, providing my children with a semblance of family connections. They enjoy the benefits of having grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who can share experiences like sleepovers and playful adventures. Yet, each time my children refer to their “Grandma” (my mother-in-law), it tugs at my heart knowing they don’t mention “Nana” (my mom) nearly as often.
My kids do maintain a relationship with my parents, albeit a limited one. They chat on the phone — my son’s favorite pastime seems to be hanging up on his grandmother — and they recognize my mom as the generous lady who sends them books. They’ve learned that my dad enjoys woodworking, photography, and stargazing, a hobby that has recently piqued my daughter’s interest. I often show them pictures of Nana and Pop, and when they ask about my parents, I seize the moment to share cherished stories. But still, it feels like a shadow of the vibrant relationship I wish they could have with their grandparents.
Despite receiving encouragement from my in-laws and friends about my parenting skills, it feels different when it’s not coming from my own parents. My mom isn’t here to witness the dance parties I have with my kids or to lend a comforting hand on tough days. My dad can’t give me a high five when I manage to handle my sassy four-year-old. Yes, I carry their spirit within me, but the physical distance is a constant ache.
Every conversation with my parents is filled with their praise for my parenting. Thanks to social media, they stay updated on our lives and witness the outcomes of my efforts, but it’s all through a screen or a phone call. I feel a deep sadness knowing they’re missing out on these precious moments and I’m missing the joy of sharing them in person. I long to hear my mom laugh at my son’s antics or see my dad delight in a shared moment with my daughter. Those missing experiences create a void in our family narrative.
While I appreciate the technology that allows us to stay connected, it doesn’t fully alleviate the heartache of wishing my parents could genuinely engage with my children. I am grateful that just 15 years ago, their relationship with my kids would have been even more limited. But that gratitude doesn’t change my desire for them to share real, meaningful experiences together.
Perhaps one day, circumstances will allow us to live closer. Until then, I’ll continue to rely on video calls and hope to intercept my son before he hangs up on his grandma again. In the meantime, if you’re looking into fertility options, you can explore resources like March of Dimes. For those curious about introducing solids, Intracervical Insemination offers valuable guidance. And if you’re interested in self insemination, you can find more about it here.
In summary, raising my children far from my parents is fraught with emotional challenges. Despite the presence of my in-laws and the joys of technology, I yearn for the day when my parents can be part of our lives in a more tangible way.