By: Jordan Miles
Updated: Sep. 16, 2023
Originally Published: April 16, 2023
Emotions can be unpredictable. You might find yourself in tears while watching a sentimental commercial, or feel an overwhelming surge of anger when caught at a red light. For many individuals, these reactions may seem extreme, but for those with deep-seated emotions, such responses are commonplace. Unfortunately, society often struggles to understand and support those who experience feelings intensely, especially young children.
As a parent to a son who embodies these big emotions, I have undergone quite the journey. Navigating a world that often dismisses those with heightened feelings feels like being tossed into the deep end of a pool. And when the child in question is a boy, the challenges multiply. Society often sends mixed messages about how boys should express their emotions, and those who do not conform can face harsh judgments.
Initially, I mistook my son’s outbursts for typical toddler behavior. Over time, I realized that his emotional responses were far beyond the ordinary. Anger and frustration can overwhelm him to the point where he struggles to react calmly. Understanding that he cannot control the intensity of his feelings prompted me to adopt a more compassionate approach to his emotional needs.
Beyond anger, my son experiences a spectrum of emotions with remarkable depth. I vividly recall the first time we watched Boss Baby; he burst into tears when the titular character left the Templetons. Holding him close as he cried was my instinct, as I understood he needed that comfort.
Raising a son with such profound feelings requires constant vigilance against societal expectations. At his age, many adults start telling boys to “toughen up” and suppress their tears. My son, however, finds solace in crying, which is often his only way to feel better. Although I encourage him to express his emotions freely, I sometimes wish for a quieter solution. On tough days, I find myself remaining calm while he declares his hatred for me over bedtime or struggles with a puzzle, needing to cry it out. There’s no distracting him; he must confront his feelings head-on.
After five years of parenting, I’ve developed strategies to support him through his emotional highs and lows. However, I cannot always explain his behavior to others. Social interactions can be particularly challenging, as he often struggles to express himself when overwhelmed. His excitement can lead to overexuberance, while anger can render him nearly unmanageable. When peers reject him at the playground, he runs to me with tear-filled eyes. Many adults might dismiss his feelings, saying it’s trivial, but I understand he cannot simply move on. I comfort him, letting him know it’s perfectly okay to cry.
I worry that other children may not know how to handle his emotional expressions, leading to isolation. It’s easy for others to label him as overly sensitive or temperamental, but the reality is far more complex. He cannot bottle up his feelings, and his methods of expression may not always align with societal norms. As a young child, he is still developing coping mechanisms and cannot be held to adult standards—after all, many adults struggle with emotional regulation as well.
On the brighter side, my son’s big emotions are also a source of immense love. His hugs are tight, as if he wants to savor every moment. He often tells me, “I love you so much, Mommy; you’re my best friend,” and his laughter is contagious. He finds joy in the mundane, bringing light to everyday experiences that many might overlook.
His emotional depth also makes him a loyal friend. He often talks about his buddies, expressing genuine concern for their well-being. When my mother visited, he worried aloud about my father being alone, asking, “Who will take care of him?”
As a parent of a child with intense emotions, my greatest fear is not whether he will learn to manage them. Instead, I worry that he will be pressured to conform to societal norms that may not embrace his individuality. The world can be unkind, and it’s often easier for others to push him into a predefined box rather than extend empathy and understanding to help him thrive.
Some children possess profound emotions, and rather than fearing for them in a world that can be harsh, we should strive to cultivate a more compassionate environment. Each of us could benefit from learning from these children who dare to feel deeply. For more insights on this topic, consider visiting Resolution, an excellent resource for family building, or Bundl Fertility, an authority on related themes.
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Summary:
Raising children with intense emotions can be challenging, especially in a society that often discourages emotional expression. Parents must navigate societal expectations while supporting their children’s emotional needs. Ultimately, fostering empathy and understanding is crucial for both children and adults to thrive in a world that can be unforgiving.