The turning point came when my 2-year-old stopped napping. What used to be a peaceful three-hour retreat turned into chaos, severing my daily connection to silence and solitude. I anticipated this change but was unprepared for its emotional toll. I felt too exhausted even to shed a tear.
Isn’t depression just anger directed inward? Well, I can certainly relate to that. When frustration strikes, I often struggle to express it, telling myself that others have it much worse. This internal conflict weighs heavily on me, and guilt stifles my voice.
My inner critic whispers, “You have no right to feel this way. Other people are facing far greater challenges.” So, when my daughter decided to give up her naps, it felt trivial in comparison to the battles faced by many. I remind myself that I’m a stay-at-home mom, yet I still find myself overwhelmed. Sleep is elusive; my infant son is teething, and my daughter’s fears of the dark or her early morning hunger pangs keep me on edge. I find myself sleeping in until 8 a.m. instead of rising early to pursue my dreams because I am just so worn out. By the time nap rolls around, I’m drained and my eyes are heavy.
I often wish I could emulate those inspiring stories of entrepreneurs who rise before dawn to chase their aspirations. But that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me, which only deepens my sense of failure and self-doubt.
My home is a constant whirlwind of mess. I long for a shared load when it comes to cooking and cleaning. My husband, who works tirelessly to provide for our family, comes home exhausted. He manages other responsibilities like car maintenance and trash disposal without complaints. Yet, I feel guilty for resenting the time he misses with the kids, leading me to bottle up my frustrations.
In my quest for some personal time, I often resort to turning on the TV for the children or setting up games. Moments at my desk are fleeting, as the kids either clamor for attention or bicker when boredom sets in. I feel a pang of envy when I see my husband unwind while I’m left to entertain the kids. This thought stirs further resentment, especially when I consider friends who are single parents. I berate myself for my feelings instead of recognizing the validity of my struggles.
I look at my friends without children who can spontaneously visit a café with a book in hand. Oh, how I yearn for those simple moments! Yet, with two kids under three, my outings require a logistics plan: diaper changes, dressing them, packing essentials, and often backtracking to retrieve forgotten items. This entire process can take forever, making my desire for a quiet moment feel almost frivolous. Where does all this frustration go? Right back into my heart.
I wouldn’t classify myself as clinically depressed, at least not yet. I’m actively learning to articulate my frustrations without punishing myself in the process. Taking the step to delete my Facebook app was a good start, and I’m finding solace in prayer.
I’m also working on expressing my needs to my husband instead of plastering on a mask of resentment. For instance, I decided to share this piece with him first. After a particularly draining day, I found myself on the bathroom floor, pouring out my feelings on my phone. It felt more like a cry for help than an eruption of anger. When I shared my thoughts with him, he embraced me and expressed gratitude for my openness.
I remain in a state of flux, grappling with my emotions. This is why I empathize with the many mothers who find themselves overwhelmed by feelings of sadness. When moms mention the rejuvenating power of a warm shower or the lifeline that coffee represents, they speak from the heart. Parenthood is incredibly rewarding, yet it is equally challenging. Sometimes, all they need is a brief getaway or a simple meal delivered in disposable containers to ease the burden of cleanup.
Think of a mom in your life and reach out. A quick call, a text, or even a handwritten note can mean the world. Let her know she’s doing a fantastic job. If she brushes it off, offer to bring her a milkshake—she deserves it.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home mom can be overwhelming, especially when feelings of sadness creep in. It’s crucial to acknowledge these emotions and to seek support from loved ones. Taking small steps to communicate needs and finding moments of personal time can make a significant difference in navigating the challenges of motherhood.