I remember the exhaustion all too well. Just one day after welcoming our newborn daughter into our lives through adoption, we found ourselves in a state far from home, tangled in the complexities of the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). This process requires both the state we adopted from and our home state to approve the adoption, leaving us in limbo. I was missing crucial days of my semester, right before finals for my seventy college writing students, while my husband was busy working at his accounting job.
The ICPC process can stretch from a few days to several weeks, or in some unfortunate cases, even months. It’s a painstaking experience, forcing adoptive parents to rely on a variety of professionals, including government workers and lawyers. Unlike many new parents, we did have a rare advantage: my husband’s employer provided paid adoption leave for four weeks. Yet, even after more than a decade, most workplaces fail to extend such benefits to adoptive parents, which is simply not fair.
Some might wonder why adoptive parents deserve the same leave as those who give birth. After all, we didn’t endure nine months of pregnancy or childbirth. But that overlooks a critical fact: adoptive families often need time to bond, especially since the child hasn’t been part of their family for the same length of time as a pregnancy. Nicole Johnson, a leading expert in adoption, emphasizes that the bonding period is vital for both the adoptive parents and the child, particularly for older adoptees who may come from challenging backgrounds.
Each of my four children had nine months to bond with their birth mothers in utero. This connection is abruptly severed when they are placed with new families, a transition that can be quite traumatic, often referred to as “the primal wound” in adoption discussions. Children who have spent time in various placements, such as orphanages or foster homes, require sufficient time to adjust to their new environment. If adoptive parents are forced to return to work mere days after bringing their child home, when does that vital bonding occur?
Beyond emotional adjustment, parents need practical time for things like setting up childcare. Many daycares have long waitlists, and newborns often can’t be placed in care until they are at least six weeks old. For adoptive parents, this waiting period can be crucial for establishing a stable routine. When I adopted my daughter, I went from painting my kitchen to suddenly becoming a mom, navigating the complexities of bringing a new life into our home.
During our early days together, we bonded deeply. We spent hours getting to know her, and we cherished that time. Some families choose to cocoon with their new child, focusing solely on bonding, but this is only feasible if they have paid leave or significant savings. For many, taking unpaid leave after incurring high adoption costs simply isn’t an option.
After my husband’s company eliminated paid adoption leave for our next two adoptions, he had to use vacation days to navigate the ICPC process. This left us with no days for potential sick time or family emergencies. Luckily, his flexible, family-friendly workplace allowed us to make it work, but many people in my adoption support group don’t have those benefits.
When we adopted our fourth child, my husband’s company reinstated paid adoption leave, allowing him four weeks to bond with our newborn. This time was invaluable, not just for us but also for our three other children as they adjusted to their new sister. We spent precious days together, visiting local attractions and allowing our kids to connect with their new sibling.
Nicole Johnson points out that the absence of paid adoption leave can hinder families from securing necessary childcare or medical appointments. Parents of children with special needs need even more time to establish care with professionals and create Individualized Education Plans (IEP) for school. Paid leave would provide families the opportunity to lay the groundwork for a successful transition.
While some companies offer maternity or paternity leave for biological parents, adoptive parents often face tough choices between their child’s well-being and returning to work. Providing paid adoption leave shows that employers care about the family unit, a sentiment echoed by Nicole Johnson: “Happy and healthy employees are the most productive.”
Ultimately, the decision to offer paid adoption leave comes down to financial considerations. But if employers truly value their employees, they must extend that care to include the newest members of their families. For more on this topic, check out this insightful post on healthcare access.
In summary, paid parental leave for adoptive parents is crucial for fostering emotional and practical stability. It enables families to bond, adjust, and secure necessary resources, ensuring a healthier start for everyone involved. If you’re interested in exploring more about family planning and adoption, visit Kindbody for excellent resources.