In the realm of childbirth, a fierce and unspoken rivalry exists. Many individuals firmly believe that their approach is the only correct one, dismissing those who differ as misguided. The judgments stemming from this rivalry often leave expectant mothers feeling ashamed, defensive, or even despondent. Instead of celebrating their strength for bringing life into the world, many women feel like they have betrayed their peers for not adhering to the same choices advocated by others in their parenting circles.
Let’s be frank. Every woman who gives birth deserves to feel revered and respected—regardless of the methods, medications, or medical professionals involved. Recently, a friend of mine, after months of promoting her natural birth plan, confessed that she chose to have an epidural. The ensuing gossip was mind-boggling; the level of concern for her choices was overwhelming.
“She deceived us about having a natural birth?! I went through it without any pain relief, how could she claim otherwise?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a c-section but is too embarrassed to admit it.”
“I can’t even look at her baby’s astrological chart now; the epidural probably affected the timing of the birth.”
I heard such ridiculous comments. Personally, I didn’t care whether she had an epidural or not. I would have been unconcerned even if her baby had been born with two heads, as long as they were both healthy. What truly troubled me was her embarrassment over her choice, which led her to feel the need to conceal it.
When I spoke with her, my heart sank. She faced immense pressure from our community to not only have a natural birth but also a home birth, which led her to believe she had committed a grave error by opting for a medicated delivery in the hospital. She had decided to have an epidural well in advance, convinced it was the right choice for her. Yet, she knew our community wouldn’t support her. In our town, the norm leans heavily towards giving birth in nature while chanting affirmations with a spiritual guide.
Conversely, I have another friend living in a completely different community who faced ostracism from her “mom group” for choosing a natural home birth. This group was more inclined to seek out the best birthing suites in the local hospital and the finest anesthesiologist when it was their turn to deliver.
What Drives This Obsession?
What drives this obsession with the birthing choices of others? Opinions abound, and not all of them are pleasant. Imagine if we redirected the energy spent on judgments and used it to empower pregnant women to listen to their own instincts and determine what feels right for their births.
We could cultivate a supportive community where women feel excited and confident about their birthing experiences, no matter the choices they make. If a woman opts for an epidural and feels at peace with that decision, she may experience a more efficient labor. If another woman chooses a home birth and feels validated in her choice, she might even enjoy a euphoric experience. And if a mother decides to schedule a c-section for a breech baby because vaginal delivery frightens her, she might have a smoother recovery.
Our uniqueness as individuals should be reflected in our birthing decisions. As a childbirth educator and doula who experienced a natural hospital birth, I have witnessed a vast range of birthing choices. The women who had the most positive outcomes were those who felt empowered to trust their instincts and uphold their decisions. Some had transcendent creek births, others opted for epidurals, while some scheduled their deliveries around personal commitments. What they all shared was a profound belief that they were making the best choices for themselves, based on their individual circumstances and knowledge.
A Call for Support
My hope is for all women to embrace their authentic birth experiences and receive unwavering support and encouragement from fellow mothers, free from judgment. Let’s allow those with contrary opinions to keep their negativity to themselves.
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Conclusion
In summary, the conversation surrounding childbirth should shift from competition to celebration. Every woman’s experience is valid, and we can foster an environment of support and understanding.