When my youngest child, Alex, graduated from college, it marked the end of my role as a “mom” who managed everything from allowances to medical appointments and everything in between. The days of reminding him about thank you notes, bank deposits, scheduling car washes, and even ordering contact lenses were officially behind me.
Parenting Alex was a journey filled with defining moments that shaped him into the man he is today. I can vividly recall the time he was just 18 months old, getting fitted for glasses to correct his lazy eye, wearing a patch to preschool, and undergoing surgeries to rectify the issue. At age five, he began kindergarten and met friends he still chats with daily. By eight, he was walking to school solo for the first time. At 14, he hit a triple in his last season of little league baseball, and at 15, he bid farewell to a beloved grandfather. At 17, he made the varsity football team, only to be sidelined by a stress fracture that ended his best sports season yet.
Fast-forward to almost 22, and he was on the verge of graduation, with a job he loved already lined up. If someone had told me four years earlier that this would be his reality, I would have been skeptical. Not because I doubted his intelligence or drive, but because he seemed a bit unfocused at the time. Watching my tall son, all 6’2” of him, walk into his college dorm on move-in day filled me with apprehension. I sensed that the transition to college life would be challenging for him—and I was right. The coursework was demanding, the social dynamics were tough, and the harsh desert heat was overwhelming. Just living independently in a dorm with a roommate he didn’t get along with was a significant hurdle.
My husband and I tried to anticipate every potential issue our son might encounter, hovering like concerned parents throughout his freshman year. However, after Alex returned home during his junior year to attend community college for a semester, he ultimately made the best decision of his college career: he chose to return to the university he had left. That’s when we made a pivotal choice.
We decided to give him space. We were still available for him whenever he reached out, and our worries never ceased; our love remained unwavering. But we allowed him the freedom to navigate his challenges independently. Trusting him to find his own solutions proved transformative. It was as if the focus had sharpened, revealing a clearer picture of the young man he was becoming.
For parents of older children, particularly those who may seem a little lost, the lesson is to trust them. Encourage them to carve out their own paths and discover what will make their lives fulfilling. Let them stumble and learn from their mistakes without rushing in to fix everything. Allow them to grow, both personally and emotionally.
Ultimately, the best gift we can offer our children is the freedom to forge their own way.
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Summary:
In this reflection on parenting, the author shares the journey of raising her son, Alex, emphasizing the importance of allowing children to find their own way as they approach adulthood. The pivotal moment came when they decided to give him space during college, trusting him to navigate challenges independently. This decision proved beneficial, helping him come into focus and grow stronger as an individual.