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Parenting
The Benefits of Being an Engaged Partner and Father
by Alex Johnson
Updated: April 24, 2023
Originally Published: April 24, 2023
Recently, while shopping for groceries with my mother and children, I found myself reflecting on gender roles and parenting. My two youngest, Lily and Mia, were perched in the shopping cart, with Lily dressed in a bright unicorn outfit and Mia comfortably sitting cross-legged in a playful fruit print dress. My eldest, Ethan, strode alongside us clad in a blue superhero jacket. Meanwhile, my wife, Sarah, was at home. This grocery trip marked my mother’s first visit since we relocated to Oregon almost two years ago, and I couldn’t recall the last time we shopped together.
As we navigated the produce aisle, I sensed my mother’s unease. I couldn’t determine if she was perplexed by my role in the shopping or concerned about me managing all three kids. Being a Baby Boomer, she had been married to men who adhered to traditional roles, prioritizing work over childcare and household responsibilities.
After I had filled the cart with various fruits and vegetables, she finally asked, “Is grocery shopping something you typically do?”
I paused, then responded, “Yes, most of the time. It really depends on who’s available.”
With a skeptical look, she inquired, “Do you usually take all the kids, too?”
“Usually,” I replied, “but not always. Sometimes we split up the tasks based on our schedules.”
She chuckled, but I could see the confusion in her eyes. “What’s so amusing?” I asked.
Her tired gaze reflected years of experience dealing with children in stores, often without any help from her husbands. “I just don’t get where you learned this,” she admitted.
I wanted to explain my beliefs about equality and partnership, but instead, I opted for a simpler answer. “I must have picked it up along the way. It’s been a rewarding experience.” I shared how much I had learned about my kids, including their likes and dislikes, and how doing their laundry opened up conversations about hygiene. I relished the opportunity to teach them practical skills like mowing the lawn and loading the dishwasher. “I honestly feel like I know them better than my father ever knew me,” I added.
“The best part is the time,” I continued. “I cherish every moment I spend with them.”
Curiously, my mother asked, “What does Sarah think about this arrangement?”
I considered my answer carefully. “I believe she appreciates it. We approach everything as equals, focusing on who can handle the task at hand, rather than adhering to traditional roles. This dynamic has strengthened our bond. I’m sure she values having an equal say, just as I do. It’s refreshing.”
I suggested, “You could ask her about her perspective if you wanted.”
She shrugged, likely indicating she wouldn’t inquire further. Unexpectedly, she remarked, “I just don’t understand. Your brother is similar. I guess I would have enjoyed that kind of support when I was a mom.”
I smiled, and as we finished loading the groceries, she said, “You seem like a good father.”
“Sounds like you’re coming around to the idea of equality, Mom,” I joked.
With a playful eye roll, she replied, “Don’t start with that nonsense.”
I laughed and said, “Never.”
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Summary:
This article discusses the positive outcomes of being an engaged and equitable partner and father, illustrating the impact of shared responsibilities on family dynamics. The narrative highlights the importance of communication and teamwork in parenting while challenging traditional gender roles.