Growing up, my parents never enforced any restrictions on my television viewing. To be honest, I think they preferred to avoid the hassle. Regardless, I thrived academically and went on to graduate from a prestigious Ivy League school. I was never pressured to read for a set amount of time each day, yet I developed a passion for reading that has persisted into adulthood.
Despite my unconventional upbringing, I have emerged as a happy, engaged adult. Interestingly, I now watch very little television. My parents maintained a low-key approach, trusting that I would succeed, and I did.
I’ve taken a similar stance with my son and his iPad (we don’t own a TV). I must say, I’m quite pleased with this unstructured method. Every family is different, and unlimited screen time may not suit everyone, but I believe there’s merit in it. We adults can gain valuable insights if we’re willing to ease our grip on control.
1. Cultivating Trust
My son, now 4, is discovering his likes and dislikes. He’s been granted enough freedom to develop into a discerning individual. This is crucial; knowing what you want is challenging, especially as you transition into adulthood and take full responsibility for your choices.
Regrettably, many children today lack the chance to explore their individuality. Instead, they are constantly supervised and corrected, leading them to rely on external validation well into their adult years. By allowing my son to make choices—provided they are safe—I’m teaching both of us that he can be trusted. He learns to recognize his instincts, which will guide him toward a fulfilling life.
If he wants to watch “Curious George” or, heaven forbid, “Power Rangers,” that’s not inherently negative. His preferences are integral to his identity and will hopefully guide him as he grows.
2. Ending the Struggle
Initially, I was overly concerned about his iPad usage, feeling as if the device was controlling him. I worried about the potential harm with every minute spent in front of a screen. This anxiety led to resentment towards him, myself, and even my partner for not resolving the situation.
My son was caught in what I term the Forbidden Fruit Syndrome (FFS), where his perfectly normal desire to indulge in his favorite shows created frustration and confusion. The negative labels attached to his interests only fueled his urge to escape into screen time.
One day, I decided to relax my rigid expectations, and the outcome was enlightening. My son no longer feels guilty for using the iPad. When left to his own devices, he now follows his instincts about how to spend his time.
Sometimes that means watching a show, but just as often, it leads him to unleash his creativity—dressing up in costumes, immersing himself in imaginative play, building with Legos, or learning new letters with his LeapFrog toy. Occasionally, he surprises me by announcing he wants to take a bath, spending an hour joyfully singing and playing with his toys.
He’s learning to follow his own rhythm, and that’s wonderful.
3. Embracing Happiness
I no longer feel like a bad parent. Instead, I focus on finding joy and cherishing the gift of motherhood. I’ve shifted my attention from “how much is too much” to trusting my instincts and allowing my son to trust his own.
Most gratifyingly, when I step back and let him make choices without fuss, he doesn’t desire to be glued to a screen all day. His natural instincts guide him toward balance.
I aspire to be a positive role model rather than a strict enforcer of limits. I aim to engage with my son thoughtfully, answer his endless questions, and embody happiness. Ultimately, I want him to feel loved, whole, and clear about who he is and what he desires in this incredible journey of life. I see no need to impose restrictions on his screen time to achieve that.
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Summary
Unlimited screen time can foster trust, reduce struggle, and enhance happiness in parenting. By allowing children to explore their preferences and engage with their interests, parents can help them develop a sense of identity and fulfillment. This approach emphasizes the importance of love, trust, and balance over strict limitations.