Taking three weeks off after my son was born felt like a luxury, perhaps even indulgent. As someone who primarily works from home, it seemed like returning to my job was akin to staying on maternity leave. I was still in my cozy sweats, after all. However, diving back into work just three weeks post-birth with my second child was far from the same experience as being on leave.
My newborn son had a knack for resisting sleep after dark, and since I was awake anyway, I ended up working late into the night. One evening, my partner snapped a photo of us: me in my sweats, glasses perched on my nose, with the baby nestled in my lap, engrossed in an unsettling amount of screen time. The glow from the laptop illuminated our faces. I cherish that photo, as it perfectly encapsulates that chaotic time in my life—but it also brings tears to my eyes. Not out of resentment toward my work, but from sheer exhaustion. “Having it all” often feels like an uphill battle, and while countless discussions online revolve around the concepts of leaning in or leaning out, I find that one crucial element is overlooked: the perspective of the individual woman—the real mom. The one who has leaned in, leaned out, leaned over, and leaned back so often that she’s on the verge of tipping over. More often than not, I embody that mom.
I’ve changed diapers during conference calls, nursed while grading assignments, and even pumped breast milk in the car while racing between meetings. I know I’m not alone in this. Well, I was alone in the car, thankfully. But many of us navigate the bizarre intersection of personal and professional responsibilities, striving to excel in both areas simultaneously.
The “having it all” mentality varies widely among women. Some may question my authority to discuss this topic, given that I’ve chosen to work from home, which at times resembles being a stay-at-home mom—like when I’m at the grocery store on a Monday morning with two rambunctious toddlers in tow. Yet, sandwiched between errands and playdates, I juggle multiple part-time jobs. I write, teach, consult, volunteer, and, of course, parent. I breastfeed, prepare meals, and manage laundry—though I’ve accepted long ago that cleaning is a task best left to someone else.
You might recall the story of the peddler from “Caps for Sale.” He carried an absurd number of caps atop his head—his own checked cap, followed by a variety of colors, all precariously balanced. This imagery resonates with me. We often hear that we “wear many hats,” but the peddler’s comical appearance suggests he might be making things harder than they need to be. No surprise, halfway through the tale, he collapses under a tree and falls asleep. This is a striking metaphor for modern motherhood—so many of us are burdened by endless responsibilities, just like him.
If you’re like me, you may find that the advice you offer to your child often mirrors what you need to hear yourself. Just the other night, I reassured my son, “Just because you can’t have dessert right now doesn’t mean it’s off the table forever. We have to eat dinner first, and those treats will still be there afterward.” It’s a simple lesson, yet when it comes to adult life, we seem to expect everything we desire all at once. Why do I feel the need to indulge in everything simultaneously?
The truth is, we don’t need to carry so many responsibilities at once. In our quest to “have it all,” we’ve convinced ourselves that we must chase every desire simultaneously, which is an overwhelming and often unachievable task. While I’m not suggesting you abandon your ambitions—whether that means leaning in or leaning out—perhaps it’s time to stand tall, reassess your priorities, and consider the purpose behind all that leaning.
I could conclude this discussion with a cliché about cherishing the fleeting moments of childhood or emphasize the significance of pivotal career moments. However, that’s not the essence of this conversation. Each of us has a unique journey, and I don’t presume to know which responsibilities you should keep or toss aside.
Ultimately, this reflection is about us—the real, individual moms. We manage numerous tasks and responsibilities, some fulfilling and others less so. What I’m discovering is that it’s perfectly acceptable to remove a few hats from our heads. Perhaps that’s the wisest decision we can make—to simplify our load, enabling us to excel in the roles we choose to embrace. And rest assured, those other responsibilities will still be waiting when we’re ready to tackle them again.
For further insights into home insemination, check out this article about the home insemination kit. For expert views on related topics, visit Ava Gardner’s insights, and don’t forget to refer to WebMD’s comprehensive guide on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article explores the challenges of modern motherhood and the pressures to “have it all.” It emphasizes the importance of recognizing individual experiences and the necessity of prioritizing responsibilities. By suggesting that women can stand tall and reassess their burdens, it encourages a more balanced approach to juggling personal and professional demands.